Put to death the sins of your youth (Romans 8:13). So, you need to be proactive and put these things to death. Don’t just assume they’ll go away one day. With God’s power in you and behind you, “work out your salvation” (Philippians 2.12–13″ data-version=”esv” data-purpose=”bible-reference”>Philippians 2:12–13).
3. Invest in your friends.
I have not been good on this front, and I continue to pay the price (Ecclesiastes 4:12). You need two or three close male friends whom you can talk to about everything. Male friendship has fallen on hard times in our culture for various reasons, but it is one of the most precious gifts God can give to a young man. If you don’t have close friends, pray for one and seek him out.
Be vulnerable, be honest and share in his troubles, too (1 John 1:9). But also be prepared for potential disappointment; not every guy is looking for the same thing, and many already have their key friendships in place.
Seeking an older brother is important, too. We all need an older man’s perspective, someone who can encourage us, who’s been there and who knows that we’ll get through it, whatever it is.
Invest in your friends, but don’t rely on them to do what only Christ can do. This will put too much pressure on your friendships, and you will ultimately be disappointed and possibly disillusioned. Friendship is great (1 Samuel 18:3), but we need Christ more than any friend.
4. Stop looking for the perfect woman.
The perfect woman does not exist, so stop looking for her. Hollywood has lied and taught you wrongly (Proverbs 7:21–23) rather than shopping for a better woman.
Your future wife, perfectly fit or not, will never give you the wholeness that only comes from Christ. If you are looking for a wife to make you feel complete, to be fully known, or to give you security, you will put too much pressure on your marriage and you’ll be disappointed. On the other hand, if you both know who you are in Christ, you will have the right foundation for a good marriage.
If you’re already married, you know by now that you didn’t marry the perfect woman. Don’t keep looking for the perfect woman (Proverbs 18:22)!
5. Be strong, but gentle.
Masculinity is experiencing an identity crisis. Men don’t know whether they are supposed to be soft guys, tough guys or something in between. I think we need men who have courage, especially courage in their convictions (Psalm 27:14). See point 1.
We need to be strong, but we also need to be gentle (2 Corinthians 10:9). This balance is hard to get right, but it’s important.
We don’t need more tough guys who are insensitive to the needs and feelings of others. But we also don’t need more sensitive guys without any backbone. Empathy matters, compassion matters and gentleness matters. We need to be strong, dependable and courageous. But we also need to know how to love, give and comfort.
Stability for Young Men in the Storm
When you’re young, it’s very easy to be overwhelmed by the details of every circumstance immediately in front of you—every opportunity lost, every breakup, every failure, every sin. As you’ve likely noticed above, the older you get, the more our union with Christ becomes a discernibly meaningful and stabilizing reality.
Cling to Christ, and as you mature as a man, he will make clear to you the beauty and relevance of your union with him. He promises: “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).
