10 Signs of an Emotional Affair

10 Signs of an Emotional Affair

1. You’re having conversations you wouldn’t want your spouse to see.

If you’re ever in a position where you think, “I’m glad my husband/wife isn’t seeing this,” then you’re already out of bounds and you’re playing with fire. A healthy marriage requires complete trust and transparency. Don’t STOP flirting with your spouse and don’t START flirting with anybody else.

#2 is one of the earliest warning signs that you’re heading into dangerous territory

2. You’re dressing to impress a specific individual other than your spouse.

When we’re trying to be visually attractive for an individual other than our spouse, we’re opening a very dangerous door. Wanting to be professional and look your best is one thing, but wanting to look your best for one specific person is something else entirely.

#3 is where sexual affairs begin

3. You try to create opportunities to be alone with someone other than your spouse.

If you’re going out of your way to “run into” someone so you can have one-on-one conversations, that’s a huge red flag. You need to put immediate distance between yourself and him/her. Never trade temporary pleasure for permanent regret!

If #4 is happening, then there’s already an emergency in your marriage

4. You delete text messages or emails from someone, because you don’t want your spouse to see them.

If you’re ever hiding messages, texts or calls, then you’ve crossed an obvious line and you’re having an emotional affair. Secrecy is the enemy of intimacy in marriage. Confess to your spouse anything you’ve been hiding and start fighting to rebuild trust.

#5 reveals how your you thoughts will shape your actions...

5. You’re having consistent romantic and/or sexual fantasies about someone other than your spouse.

Affairs don’t start in the bedroom, they always start in the mind! If you allow your mind to play out fantasies, you’re giving a piece of your heart to the object of that fantasy and you’re opening the door for the fantasy to become a reality.

#6 happens fast when you start keeping track of someone on social media

6. You’re constantly comparing your spouse to this other individual.

When you become emotionally involved with someone, the mental tendency is to see this new person as nearly flawless and, by comparison, your spouse’s flaws become much more obvious. If you’re more critical of your spouse while mentally comparing them to this other person, you’re falling into a toxic trap.

#7 is a telltale sign that tends to happen whenever an emotional affair is happening

7. You find yourself always talking (or thinking) about this other person.

Our actions follow our thoughts. If you’re always focused on some other person (who is not your spouse), you’re entangled in an emotional affair. If you find yourself always talking about this other person, it’s a sign that your thoughts are being dominated by this relationship.

#8 is a physical reaction to a subconscious feeling

8. You look for opportunities to get away from your spouse.

When you’re caught up in an emotional affair, you will subconsciously start seeing your spouse as a negative distraction and you’ll start pulling away. It won’t always be to spend time with this other person. Sometimes, it’s as subtle as running extra errands simply not to be home and face your spouse. If you (or your spouse) is doing this, it’s a definite warning sign.

#9 might surprise you, but it reveals how your sex life with your spouse can be a warning sign...

9. Your sex drive with your spouse becomes significantly lower OR significantly higher.

The lower sexual interest with your spouse might not sound surprising, but it’s just as likely than an emotional affair will trigger a much higher sexual interest in your spouse. This happens when the fantasies we’re playing out toward this other person become acted out with our spouse. If there’s a significant increase or decrease in the sexual intimacy, frequency or passion in your sex life with your spouse, it might be a sign that an emotional affair is happening and a physical/sexual affair could be the next step.

#10 is often the final stage before you walk away from your marriage

10. You’re planning a new life together with this other person.

Once you start planning and romanticizing a new life with this other person, you’re in a very dangerous place. I urge you to rethink what you’re doing and confess to your spouse. Fight for your marriage! Check out our comprehensive online program for couples in crisis at FightingForMyMarriage.com and out brand new 7-Day Marriage Challenge (by clicking HERE).

This article originally appeared here.

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Dave Willis
Dave Willis is a pastor, husband, and dad of 4 boys. With his wife Ashley, Dave founded StrongerMarriages.org and the “Marriage” app as a way to encourage couples to build stronger marriage. You can connect with him on twitter and follow his blog at Patheos.