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Dealing with Small Group Parasites

1. Pray for them,

surrendering your thoughts and feelings over to God and asking Him to begin the healing process.

2. Love him or her unconditionally, but with boundaries.

Listen well to her. Where does he hurt? What obstacles are in her way to growth?

3. Ask him to serve together with you in some capacity.

Be prepared for teachable moments to mentor and disciple her. Help him to see the grander purpose in his life that God has given him. Often, knowing and getting involved in his God-given purpose will turn a person from being inward- to outward-focused.

As mentioned in #2, be sure to set boundaries.

It’s critical to put the good of the body – the group – over the selfish needs of one parasitic member. That may require some tough love as you meet with this person after meetings. Be very specific with what and where these boundaries are. 

4. Carefully and lovingly apply Matthew 18:15-17.

Allow God’s Word and His Spirit to lead you. 

5. Refer the person to someone who can help.

This may include pastoral counseling or a Christian counseling center. From my experience, a person who tends toward always taking and never giving also does not see this in themselves. They may even feel they are a very giving person, but even that feeling is all about them! This step may involve a difficult conversation, but remember that you are looking out for this person’s interest, not your own. Lovingly help him or her get to the place where he or she can grow and be transformed.

If this person cannot or will not become a productive, contributing member of the group—and after you’ve tried all the steps above and exhausted all your resources—you may finally need to ask this person to leave the group. Again, don’t leave them stranded, but refer them to a counselor that can help. Be firm, however, that until they take the steps they need to take, they cannot attend group meetings. This may be the most loving thing you can do for them and for the health and vitality of your group.

As a spiritual leader, you have an incredible opportunity to bring health and vitality to the Body. As the Head over His Body, this is Jesus’ intent—to bring unity. “From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work” (Ephesians 4:16).