What are some dangers of infatuation? And how can infatuation in dating lead to serious problems down the road, in marriage? Here’s a real-life example. Recently, an old friend messaged me and asked for prayer. He came home from work to discover an empty house and an absent wife and child. No, robbers or kidnappers hadn’t struck. Instead, his wife left him. I asked if he’d seen it coming. Were there any warning signs?
He said it had been clear for quite some time that his wife was done. I asked if there was any hope for restoration. He didn’t think so. He thought the best possible outcome would be joint custody. Although we hadn’t talked in years and I’d only met his wife once when they were dating, my heart sank. I could only imagine the pain he was experiencing.
I don’t know the details of their marriage and separation, so the following isn’t an indictment on that couple. But any time I hear stories of divorce and abandonment, I can’t help but think about the serious and weighty call of marriage. Unfortunately, we often take it way too lightly.
Why Infatuation Can Be Dangerous for Relationships
Many people enter the marriage covenant flippantly and superficially. They fail to consider the responsibility they’re accepting and the promises they’re making before God and people. I was guilty of this.
Drunk characters in movies visit random wedding chapels in Las Vegas all the time. We laugh at their foolishness and could never see ourselves doing something so ridiculous. But people tie the knot while drunk all the time. They’re not under the influence of alcohol. They’re filled with dopamine—infatuation, so-called love and lust.
Just as a covenant entered under the influence of alcohol is unlikely to survive, these marriages are also likely to struggle. A man and woman should enter marriage with a sober mind and heart. They need to be able to take seriously their vows before God and others.
Preparation for Marriage
In Ephesians 5:15–21, Paul exhorts:
Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
What follows are the well-known household codes, starting with the relationship between husband and wife. Before Paul writes about marriage, he paints a beautiful picture of sober-mindedness. Paul urges Christians to look carefully at how we walk and not to be unwise. We are to make the best use of our time and not be foolish but understand what God’s will is. Then Paul summarizes this picture of sober-mindedness. Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit.
This exhortation prepares us to be able to embrace the picture of marriage that reflects the beautiful relationship between Christ and the church. Only sober-minded, Spirit-filled men and women can embrace “wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).
