Prayer: Opening the Door for Children

People of most religions pray. For some, prayer takes the form of meditation. Others memorize prescribed prayers and chant them at required times. Many purchase written prayers for specific occasions. All believe prayer “works,” if only to help them focus and gain peace. 

Christians expect prayers to be heard and answered by a loving, caring Being as part of a vibrant relationship between creature and Creator. But our view of God dictates our relationship to Him and shapes our prayers. If we see God as a tyrant, we relate and pray to Him as a fearful slave. If we see Him as a school principal, we relate and pray as a student trying to make the grade or avoid getting caught. If He seems like Santa Claus, we relate to Him as a dispenser of goodies, making a list and checking it twice. If God is a polite conversation piece, we relate and pray to Him in a distant, uncaring way. So to teach about prayer, we must first teach about God.

Jesus showed us how to relate to God as child to Father. As you teach children about God as Father, it may help to say, “the ideal Father,” “the Father you always wanted” or even “the perfect mentor.” Ask children how they would describe a perfect father. Many movies and books have characters who are wise mentors. Ask older children to name some of these. (Gandalf comes to mind.) The type of person you wish you had as guide and encourager is real. He is God. Father, Son and Holy Spirit. So when we talk about prayer, we are talking about relationship. Author Hope MacDonald calls prayer “a conversation between two friends who love and understand each other. Prayer is the key that opens the door to a whole new world.”

When we teach children to pray, we don’t just teach a ritual or one of the Christian disciplines. We actually introduce children to God. “Real prayer comes not from gritting our teeth but from falling in love,” says writer Richard Foster. Prayer is communication, one of the most important aspects of any relationship. Prayer is one of the most important facets of becoming a life-long Jesus follower journeying ever deeper into God’s life-giving love.

So how do we help children pray? Developmentally, children start by imitating us. Next, they identify with us. Then they experience God for themselves, after which, by their own choice and in their own way, they personalize their relationship with God. Encourage the youngest children to imitate you, repeat after you. But don’t force a child to pray. Let them watch and listen until they are ready to repeat after you or to voice their own prayer.

Next, give your child “training wheels” by showing him different ways to structure prayer time. You might use the Lord’s Prayer. For a visual aid, help your child trace around a hand, fingers together as if in prayer. Then cut out six handprints. On the first, write “Father” and draw a star, representing heaven. On the second, write “kingdom,” draw a crown. On the third, write “food,” draw a slice of bread. Fourth, write “forgive,” draw a cross. Fifth, write “evil,” draw a mean face. Sixth, write “glory,” draw a sun. Help your child use his own words to follow Jesus’ model: praise God, ask for specifics in spreading the love of His kingdom, ask for needs to be met, ask for forgiveness or forgive others, pray for “evil” situations to be made right, then praise God again.

Another easy method is adapted from the Children’s Ministry Resource Bible. Hold up one hand, palm out. The thumb is closest to me, so I pray for people close to me (family and friends). The pointer finger represents people in need I might point at; instead of pointing, I pray for them. The middle finger, “tall man,” represents people over me, like parents, teachers, government leaders. The ring finger is fourth, so the mnemonic is “four,” which easily morphs into “foreign” and reminds me to pray for people in other countries. The small finger represents me and my needs.

Older children can keep prayer journals in three sections: I Prayed, God Answered and God Taught Me. Or make it a family prayer journal to use in devotions. Talk about how God answers in a variety of ways. You may hear an inner voice or find the answer in something you read or hear. You may simply sense the wise answer. Answers are not always yes. Sometimes God says no or wait. So the journal’s third section is instructive. We sometimes learn more by seeing how God uses no or wait to teach us and draw us closer to Him.

Also discuss how we know what we “hear” is from God and not just our own thoughts. That’s not to negate our own thoughts. We often know the answer if we think, and if we’re growing in God, we can rely on our wisdom, gained through Him. But if your child wants to test an answer, teach the DiTtO test: Do to Others. Jesus said treat others the way we want to be treated. So does the answer treat others the way you want to be treated? Or give it the love test. Jesus said the most important thing is to love God with all your heart, soul and strength, and love others as yourself. Our job, then, is to learn and practice love. Does the answer help you learn and practice God’s life-giving love?

Another set of training wheels is “flash prayer.” For example, when you hear an emergency siren, it means someone is in trouble. Say a quick “flash” prayer asking God to help them. On a beautiful morning, simply “flash” a “thank you” to God for the beauty around you. As you yourself sincerely model the flash prayer, your child will sense your own growing relationship with a personal God and will see how to relate to Him.