Touch
As I led the music time for kids’ church, a friend of my 8 year-old son, Taylor, was trying hard to distract him. Poking him in the side, blowing on his face, and telling little boy jokes were having no effect (I was really proud of my son!), but I knew it was probably only a matter of time until Taylor responded. So, still playing, and singing, I meandered over to where the boys sat. As everyone continued to sing (including me!), I simply reached out and gently squeezed my son’s friend on the shoulder. He hadn’t seen me coming, and as he whipped his head around, I could tell I had made my point. Without embarrassing him, I had communicated the importance of what we were doing. He started paying attention, and within a few minutes, he had joined in the upbeat singing and all the motions that all the other kids were involved with.
Physical touch can be used in a variety of ways (always being careful to be appropriate, of course). This might include a firm but gentle grip on the shoulder as you speak “wisdom” (ok, discipline) into a child’s life. Or you might use an open hand on the back to gently steer a child back to walking in the right direction as they try to veer off into the land of misbehavior! High fives, pats on the head, and side-hugs can all be used to build a relationship, which is the cornerstone of effective instruction.
Reasonable expectations
Our expectations of a child’s behavior must be reasonable. Kids are kids and are not capable of behaving in an “adult” manner. As we instruct, we must keep this in mind. A good general rule of thumb is that kids have about one minute of attention span for every year of their age. When that time is up, it’s time to move on to a new activity. Active learning and reasonable expectations of behavior are important parts of the process. At a church I served at, one of my preschool teachers came to the department coordinator after the service and said she was frustrated with the boys in her class. She mentioned that these 4 and 5 year-olds were just so rowdy and energetic, and she had a hard time controlling them. When the coordinator observed her class the following week, she discovered a youth volunteer who initiated “wrestling time” with the kids. The expectation of the kids was that it was a time for wrestling which, unfortunately, extended into all other times of the class. My coordinator suggested that, instead of wrestling, the youth volunteer could be more helpful by sitting and doing other activities with the kids, like using play dough to create a scene from the story that was to be told. When this was done, the boys in the class immediately calmed down, and the entire class time was transformed!
Understanding
Closely connected with reasonable expectations is a clear understanding of why kids might misbehave. There are lots of reasons, but understanding some of the more common ones and addressing them helps us meet the needs that a child might be expressing through their misbehavior. When we address these needs, discipline usually is taken care of, and environment conducive to instruction is restored.
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