My family often teases me because I believe there are certain behaviors parents – and adults in general – should expect of their children.
For example, I have this crazy notion that children should use inside voices in public places such as restaurants. (And I’ve been known to cast a glance or two in the direction of families who let their kids go wild at restaurants, hoping my very best “principal eyes” might meet up with a child and calm them down!)
Another pet peeve of mine is parents who allow their kids to throw tantrums. I’ve written about what you should do in those instances previously.
But you know what one of my greatest annoyances of all is? Parents who allow children to interrupt.
And now I have scientific backing to support my position. So watch out!
WHAT INTERRUPTING DOES TO THE BRAIN
Beyond the obvious points I could elaborate on about manners and respect (I will assume you already know them!), there are actual effects that take place in the brain of children who interrupt.
Or rather I should say that do not take place.
When children are allowed to interrupt, they never develop the ability to wait their turn.
Some parents might assume that by pausing their conversation with someone else, whether with an adult or child, they are showing that they care about what the interrupting child has to say.
But over time the child only receives the indirect message that they don’t have to wait for anyone else. This learning to wait, however, has greater consequences beyond simply learning patience – though that alone justifies the behavior.
What happens in the brain is that the areas devoted to executive function are not fully developed. And this has direct consequences in school.
THE VALUE OF EXECUTIVE FUNCTION
The term “executive function” just sounds important, doesn’t it? Well, it is. So good job to whomever named it.
One of the jobs of executive functioning within the brain is the ability to control one’s self – aka self-control.
Part of self-control is the ability to concentrate. As Dr. Ellen Galinsky has written and spoken about, the ability to have focused, sustained attention is one of the primary underlying traits of successful, happy students and children – adults, as well.
For example, some very intelligent students struggle in school simply because they are unable to pay attention for sustained amounts of time. They don’t know how to ignore distractions and end up misdiagnosed as ADHD, though often they are not.
TOOLS OF THE MIND
For this reason, Tools of the Mind was developed, and this program has produced wildly successful results everywhere it has been implemented, to the point that it always loses its funding because it produces immediate results and no longer requires further studies!
In many ways the program looks just like any other classroom. The differences appear to be slight, but they have far reaching implications. Here are a few highlights:
- Before beginning an hour-long themed play session in which everyone participates (i.e. fire-fighting, visit to doctor), children write out a “play plan” that they stick to during the entire hour. This helps children avoid distractions, explore a role more deeply, and provides the teacher an easy way to get the child back on track by simply asking, “Is that on your play plan?” The play plan does not limit the child but gives them the lose boundaries needed for creative play. And of course it is through imaginative play that children develop the ability to think abstractly and symbolically, skills which are essential not only in higher level education but for all human life.
- During reading time, children are matched up with a partner and each is given either a large pair of lips or giant ears. The one with the lips reads first, while the one with ears must wait and ask a question at the end before they get the chance to read. The incentive and motivation are there, but the child must wait, a small lesson with huge consequences.
- Games such as Simon Says are played regularly, as they reinforce the valuable skill of listening and not acting on knee-jerk reactions.
It might not seem like much, but this ability to wait, to exercise self-control, to command natural reactions, to delay gratification – these are essential for any age.
As I wrote previously, the famous marshmallow test has proven that children who can delay gratification and show restraint have greater success in school and later in life.
Keep this in mind the next time your child interrupts. It’s not only rude, but it’s developmentally unproductive.
