In all my years as a parent, an educator, and children’s minister, I’ve never experienced, witnessed, or heard of a child who, after scraping a knee, being bullied by their older sibling, or being scared at night, cried out, “I want my Legos!!!”
Nope. Hasn’t happened and probably never will.
Unless, of course, Legos are some kind of comfort toy (It’s possible). Or your child is a master manipulator. (That could be the case).
But most likely, your child will cry out, “I want Mommyyyy” or “I want Daddyyyy” in these times and will not choose Legos.
Or any toy for that matter. Not even their very-best-most-favorite-coolest-Christmas-gift-in-the-history-of-all-time could replace their parent.
And not just in times of need. No. Children place you at the top of their most-desired item list.
Some of you tired, sleepless parents might already know this all too well and might be hoping that some new Christmas distractions could buy you some much-needed silence and rest. Even if only for a half hour. Or three minutes!
Take heart in knowing that children are not the only ones who place you at the top of the “Children’s Needs List.” Scientists, child psychologists, and developmental neurobiologists do, too.
WHEN NURTURING IS NEGLECTED
Dr. Jane M. Healy, author of an in-depth book on brain development called Your Child’s Growing Mind, tells a story about a group of adopted Romanian orphans who had experienced extreme neglect and abuse. These children, born of poor parents and raised in an understaffed orphanage, had been fed gruel from bottles and received virtually “no interaction with peers or adults, physical or emotional stimulation, language, toys, or any of the other necessities we normally take for granted.”
Some instances were so bad that the parents and child development experts were afraid that many of their developmental milestones might never be attained, that the window for them was already closed.
Fortunately, they discovered that the brain’s incredible plasticity enabled many children to overcome major cognitive obstacles and catch-up with their American peers.
However, the area of social and emotional development proved to be the most difficult to acquire. The early neglect had created deep-rooted conditions for these children that would take years of struggle just to work through, if ever.
Dr. Healy concludes from this “that meeting a child’s needs for nurturing by a loving and dependable caregiver is even more critical than trying to develop intellectual skills.”
NEW YEAR’s RESOLUTION #1
All parents worry about whether they’re doing the best job they can, whether they are giving enough or too much intellectual stimulation.
But the truth is each child is unique and develop at their own pace. Continue to provide them with learning opportunities and things will take care of themselves. There is no universal process for cognitive growth, so relax.
What your child needs even more than brain-games and exclusive (expensive!) pre-schools and the latest trendy brain development toy is simply you.
So at the top of your New Year’s Resolution, put “time with my child.” It doesn’t always have to be an amazing experience or trip to the zoo or even something that costs money. Love is spelled T-I-M-E, and all they need from you is your time.
I’m sure many of you already give and give and give. So take heart in knowing that your giving is being received in more ways than you even realize.
Happy New Year to you as you provide your child(ren) with the emotional and personal nurturing they need so desperately that can only come from you.
