“Vy [and] I decided at that point that I’d never do counseling alone with women, especially white women. She began co-counseling with me. Regarding [the] women’s director, I had to go & apologize (thru tears of fear not guilt) in hopes she’d [consider] that enough. She did,” Howard said.
“So no, I don’t practice the Billy Graham rule in ministry,” Howard explained. “I practice what I call ‘the black man in ministry’ rule.”
Further explaining the racial dynamics he encountered as a pastor, Howard said, “Oh, and this doesn’t even scratch [the] surface of other dynamics at play. Such as how the husband made it clear that me being Black was a stumbling block to submitting to my leadership & how elders forced me to apologize to him for HIS struggle w/ submitting to my leadership.”
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Howard then turned his attention back to the Billy Graham Rule. “But back to main topic: When I hear white evangelicals or exvangelicals talk about The Billy Graham Rule; I have two dominant feelings,” Howard said. “I’m frustrated at the superficial piety & misogyny of [it]. I hate the way it objectifies & sexualizes women all while ignoring male lust.”
In recent times, the Billy Graham Rule has come under criticism and scrutiny, with some arguing that the rule has inadvertently objectified women. Pastoral counselor Jonathan Trotter has written, “These types of rules, broadly applied, end up sexualizing every woman I meet, dehumanizing her and turning her into an existential threat to my marriage. An illicit liaison waiting to happen. That, to me, is simply untenable.”
Nevertheless, Howard expressed that he isn’t entirely comfortable with the idea of getting rid of the rule entirely, saying, “My other dominate thought is that, despite having absolutely no love for Billy Graham Rule, I kinda side-eye white women who speak out against it with absolutes as if Black men in particular haven’t had to practice similar measures for their own safety in relation to them.”
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“To be clear, I don’t side-eye in [the] sense of ‘being critical,’” Howard clarified. “I understand where white women are coming from & recognize most aren’t thinking about historical race relations as they critique the [Billy Graham Rule]. The side eye comes from this being another convo that is often white-centered.”
While Howard also explained that he doesn’t restrict his relationships based on gender, “there are just extra layers of [caution], as a Black man, I navigate…that are never part of the convo.”
Read Howard’s full Twitter thread here.
