Nevertheless, Milano, who was raised Catholic, did describe how she felt haunted by her previous abortions, at one point feeling that they were the cause of her miscarriage.
“I definitely had this moment of, ‘Well, I’m being punished, basically, for abortions in my twenties.’ And it took me — I didn’t realize that at the time — it took a while in therapy that that was something I was putting on myself,” Milano said.
Milano went onto express that her experience is common among women who have had abortions, and that she wants to work to remove the stigma of the conversation.
“I think it’s important to continue to talk about it,” Milano said. “I think for me personally, and obviously these are such personal decisions, but my inability to not be a selfish 20-year-old was reason enough. But then there was a lot that I wanted to do before I had children. And the point was that I was given a choice to control my life and control my own destiny.”
“Mistakes happen. Things happen,” Milano continued. She then seemed to imply that she had nothing to feel guilty about with regard to her abortions, but rather those feelings were a result of patriarchal cultural beliefs.
Alluding to legislation that limits abortion, Milano said, “And the fact that [women] cannot control their own destiny and their own futures is — I mean, it feeds right into the patriarchy and what they’re trying to do.”
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Later in the interview, Milano shared how she felt when she became pregnant with her son, Milo. Ruderman asked her if she was nervous about miscarrying again.
“I think I was probably a little scared that I would miscarry again, especially being, you know, the age that I was,” Milano said. “But then you go in and your doctor tells you that everything looks good, and it’s impossible not to fall in love.”
As Milano continued to describe her pregnancy experience, her language shifted back and forth between clinical language to more personal language. As a pro-choice advocate, Milano denies the personhood of unborn children. However, when she spoke of her own pregnancies, she seemed at a loss to describe her prenatal children any other way.
“I just loved being pregnant. Just this realization of how incredibly perfect of a machine birthing women’s bodies are and how spectacular to feel those changes and then to start to feel, you know, a baby kick.” Milano then described how she can recognize that the way her children move and get comfortable is the same way they used to move in the womb.
Describing the moment when she first saw her son, Milo, Milano said, “He’s the most beautiful, perfect thing, ever.”
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Listen to Milano’s full interview on “Me Becoming Mom” here.
