“To show someone love is everything,” he said. “It’s not a simple thing. You have shown me everything. You’ve shown me the love of Christ. I’ve seen it in you.”
Another person who showed Swiegelaar unconditional love was a woman whose identity he concealed, but called “Amy.” In the middle of May, Swiegelaar did his last interview on behalf of the SA Satanic Church. During the radio interview, he said he didn’t believe in Jesus or that Jesus existed.
Amy came up to him afterward and hugged him in a way he had never experienced before. Later, Swiegelaar discovered she was a Christian. “I couldn’t believe it because I’ve never had a Christian do that,” he said, particularly after “the things I’ve said.” Soon after this experience, Swiegelaar was undergoing a satanic ritual when Jesus appeared to him.
“And I was extremely cocky,” said Swiegelaar, “and I said, ‘Whatever. If you are Jesus, you need to prove it.’ And he flooded me with the most beautiful love and energy, and I recognized it immediately because the woman at the radio station showed it to me. That’s how I recognized the love of Christ, because four people, four Christians showed it.”
Swiegelaar said that when he was in ministry over 20 years ago, he did not truly believe in Christianity. “I never knew it until a month or two ago,” he said.
Some people have been telling Swiegelaar that his encounter with God is not real and that it is simply cognitive dissonance. The former Satanist says he understands where they’re coming from, but that “when you experience it, it is something different.”
Swiegelaar contrasted his experience of God’s grace with people who fight, point out the sins of others, and tell them that they are going to hell. People with this attitude do not understand grace, he believes. “I have for a long time believed that I am not worthy of God’s grace because I’m gay and because I have certain abilities,” said Swiegelaar. “So people made me believe for a very long time, I’m not worthy of that.” The reality is that “no one is worthy of grace more than the next person” and “the kingdom of God is not a gated community. The kingdom of God is open to everybody.”
