Woman Asks John Piper’s Advice on Dealing With Man Who Says God Wants Her To Marry Him

Next, Piper explored the man’s catch-22 situation:

If he is so spiritual as to truly discern God’s will for you, then either you’ll prove similarly spiritual (from his standpoint) and agree with him, or you’ll prove to be unspiritual (from his standpoint) and stubborn. If you prove to be spiritual (from his standpoint) and agree with him, you’re going to get married. If you prove unspiritual, undiscerning, stubborn (from his standpoint), then he should not want to marry you.

Piper’s final recommendation for the woman is to bluntly tell the unwanted suitor, “I don’t think we can even be ordinary friends right now” and to ask him to stop communicating with her for several months, as a “test run.”

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If that is unsuccessful, the woman should ask her church leaders “to put some kind of restraint” on the man, Piper said. She should explain that she’s not acting out of animosity, Piper added, but to help the man “get in touch with reality and so be a more healthy and mature person.”

Boz Tchividjian Responds to John Piper’s Advice

ChurchLeaders asked Boz Tchividjian, an attorney who advocates for abuse survivors, to assess Piper’s recommendations to this woman. Tchividjian, who founded the organization GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment) and was a law professor at Liberty University, offered these insights:

My immediate concern is that she is dealing with a man who appears, at best, to be spiritually manipulative and, at worst, irrational and potentially dangerous. Piper’s response seems to overlook these serious dynamics entirely. Instead, he approaches the situation as though she’s asking for advice about discerning God’s will regarding marrying someone she’s been dating, rather than addressing the critical issue of harassment and boundary violations that she explicitly describes.

This failure to recognize and appropriately respond to the gravity of her situation is deeply troubling and could have harmful, even devastating, consequences. It underscores the importance of exercising caution and responsibility when offering advice in sensitive and potentially dangerous situations. I believe this is a moment for John Piper to reflect on the weight of his influence and consider whether it’s time to step back from giving “advice” on matters that demand greater nuance, expertise, and care.