3. Assume there is much more going on than what you see.
Yes, people are born “messed up.” This is also known as a “sin nature” or “original sin” or “total depravity” or “you’ve-got-baggage-and-you-are-spiritually-broken.” There are lots of terms for it. But people also get more messed up as they interact with other messed up people. So we have a whole world of messed up people who are messing each other up even more and the whole thing is a mess.
I think it’s safe to say that because of this, people are often poor listeners and poor at implementing because they may have been negatively influenced by people in their past.
For example, people may be hesitant to listen to the advice of a pastor because they’ve been hurt by previous pastors. Or worse, they may have been spiritually abused or manipulated by church leaders and this has caused them to be suspect.
And here’s the real kicker: Most of these people have no idea that they are the way that they are. They are often completely unaware of how unteachable they have become. They aren’t aware of the fact that when they talk over you, they are talking over you!
They are unaware of the fact that when they ignore your advice, they are ignoring your advice! They are unaware of the fact that when they are undermining many of the things you spend a lot of time working on, they are actually undermining many of the things you spend a lot of time working on. So assume there is more going on than what you see.
4. Pray for wisdom, guidance and breakthroughs.
Yep, every list that involves pastoring or leading or relational issues should always include prayer. Some people would place it at #1.
I understand. For me, prayer flows out of my understanding that (1) there’s a spiritual battle at hand, (2) I need to take the time to be patient and communicate, and (3) there’s probably a lot more going on than what I see. My natural response to these is to begin praying.
John Piper has said that prayer is “a wartime walkie-talkie for the accomplishment of mission commands.” Augustine said that “he who loves little prays little, he that loves much prays much.”
Prayer is simply communicating with God. It’s talking to him, thanking him and asking him. Prayer should be a natural part of Christian living.
If this is true, then we should be praying for wisdom in how to communicate with and deal with difficult people. We should pray for God’s guidance as situations arise. We should pray for spiritual breakthroughs because unteachable people often need some sort of a spiritual breakthrough. They need something that you can’t give them on your own apart from God.
So pray for them and ask God to give you insight, and for his Spirit to be at work in their lives.
5. Don’t be guilty of what you find problematic.
If you are complaining about people not listening to you, you’d better make sure that you aren’t guilty of the very same issue.
You need to provide forums and opportunities for people to ask questions and express their concerns and opinions. Sometimes people don’t listen to you because they don’t feel like you listen to them. It’s not a helpful solution, but it’s true.
So take time to make sure you have a listening ear. Be an active listener. Don’t be a hypocrite who complains that people aren’t listening and are unteachable when you aren’t listening and are unteachable!
