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How to Choose Between Faith and Family

So what do we as ministers and leaders and disciple makers do for students as they deal with these issues? Here are a few things that I try to share with students in these situations.

Can we try a both/and not just an either/or?

Part of maturing wisdom in a student is challenging their perspective so that they see issues from more than one side. We see this in Daniel 1 when Daniel came up with an incredibly wise and shrewd solution to his God-following dilemma while under the authority of another. He worked out a way through which both parties found an agreeable solution and outcome.

Some of the most remarkable progress happens when a student takes time to listen and honor his or her parents’ desires and concerns and then comes back with a thoughtful plan on how to accomplish both what the parents want and what he or she believes God is prompting him or her to do. Permission and submission go a long way in cultivating favor.

Embrace conflict as opportunity for growth.

Students (and parents) are often in the midst of the awkward stage of transitioning from a parent/child relationship to an adult/adult relationship.

Some parents have spent their entire lives learning to guard and guide their children from every whim or fancy in an effort to teach them how to become responsible young adults. Sometimes, the parents simply cannot hear that God has dramatically realigned their child’s value system because they have yet to honor their child as a young adult – or because their child has yet to learn to communicate to them as a young adult. This takes time, practice, and patience.

While the time may come to openly defy authority in the name of obedience, as it did for Daniel, we need to go through Daniel 1 before we immediately jump to Daniel 6.

Parents are not the enemy – Satan is.

This is hard for us ministers to remember. We are so tempted to vilify parents. Instead, remember that God’s sovereign plan for our students will not be thwarted by an authority figure. Let this truth free you up to lovingly pray for and partner with your students’ parents.

Who knows – perhaps their child will lead to a huge breakthrough in the parents’ own relationship with Christ. That’s something that all of us – pastors, students, and parents -want to see.

What suggestions do you have for students who want to challenge their parents? Leave them in the comments below, and we’ll continue the conversation.

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chrisbrooks@churchleaders.com'
As a speaker, writer, and creative consultant, Chris brings a vibrant voice to the Wayfarer creative team. Chris currently serves full-time as the college minister of Calvary Baptist Church in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. Before his 5 years on staff with Wayfarer, Chris had been a producer, writer, and performer with Student Life. He graduated from Palm Beach Atlantic College and received his Master of Divinity degree from Beeson Divinity School. Chris and his wife Audrey have three children, Simon, Addie Gail, and Maggie. Follow Chris on Twitter @ChrisAtTheWell