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Singled Out: Does the Church Ignore Singles?

Sadly, however, I do think that this is the message being projected to many in the church–that in order to fully walk with Christ, you have to walk alongside a spouse.

This message is a lie.

Christ never places marriage above singleness. Jesus never said anything recorded in the Scriptures that should make us believe that marriage is a more spiritual path. Jesus was single, by choice I believe (I imagine the ladies were like bees to honey though…).

Paul was single, by choice I believe, as well. Paul certainly understood some of the reasons to pursue marriage–sexual purity, for example. But he also understood quite well the reasons to abstain from marriage–so that you might be more wholly devoted to God and that marriage can actually cause you more trouble in life.

The problem we face is that the American church has created a cultural lie that tells us that those who are married are whole, complete, and full in Christ. Yet, those we are not married are somehow lacking, less than, incomplete, and in limbo waiting for their lives to begin.

Single people within the church are often left feeling left out or forgotten as their congregation happily partakes in family night, family picnics, family everything. It may seem trivial, but to a single person, it is not. I have even known of Godly men who were turned down for teaching or pastoral jobs because they were not married.

Can you imagine? What if Paul had been turned down because he didn’t have a wife? The idea seems preposterous to us, and yet it’s happening today.

Life does not begin at marriage. Life begins in the exact moment when we submit ourselves to Christ and make Him Lord, when the Holy Spirit comes to dwell within us and take residence within us.

Our spiritual life is not dependent on our love life. Get that. Our love life might be dependent on our spiritual life, but certainly not the other way around.

And if we truly believe that God shows no partiality, then we must also believe that singleness is just as valuable in God’s eyes as marriage. Just as valuable. Does marriage offer unique opportunities to glorify God that singleness does not? Of course, but so does being single.

Both are worthwhile in God’s kingdom, and His kingdom has room for both.  

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Nicole Cottrell is trained in the fine art of button-pushing. She uses her skills daily on Modern Reject where she writes about the intersection of faith and culture as well as the unpopular stuff no one else likes to talk about. Nicole is a speaker, writer, discipler, and coffee fanatic. She and her husband planted the Foundation, a network of house churches in Arizona. Nicole lives in Scottsdale with her husband and two little munchkins, three of the coolest and funniest people she knows.