What must it have been like to live through those times, to lead through those times? What must it have been like to share the gospel in the face of opposition, to make disciples in the shadow of persecution? Did they ever wrestle with the desire or need to be liked and approved of like we do?
I love reading the stories of how the believers had everything in common, selling their fields and resources, giving sacrificially for other believers, other churches. But I also wonder what that cost them internally, to not be owned by their money and possessions. I wonder what they had to get past in themselves to live that way. Did possessions and money have the same grip on their hearts they so often have on ours?
What sacrifices did they have to make to plant churches in their homes, to share a common life? How did it feel for them to allow themselves to be known, for people to see their lives, their relationships, their strengths, and their weaknesses? To build a strong missional family? What was it like to invest in new believers from such a vast range of backgrounds, model what it looked like to know and follow Jesus? Did they ever think “Hey, wait a minute, I’ve not got this figured out yet and I’m leading you?” How were they able to invest and time and energy into discipling everyone while still having jobs and families and lives? How did that work?
These leaders had (or had learned to develop) capacity. It’s no surprise Paul uses the imagery of a soldier, an athlete, a farmer when describing the life of leadership to his young disciple Timothy. Not just a leader’s devotional life, but their entire life. These are all images that speak of capacity. When I think of the soldier, I think of a courageous disciplined servant, with 100 percent commitment to and perspective on the mission. Ready and equipped to respond immediately to their leader’s direction. The athlete makes me consider the mental and physical fitness required to run and win a race, produced by consistent holistic training. The farmer makes me think of hard work, sweat, patience, even boredom, but also a harvest. Then the discipline to sow again. We need a large capacity for this missional life: mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. For the challenges and opportunities, the demands and the disappointments that all come with leadership.
Like many of us, I’d love to see today’s church in the West especially look more like the early church, at least in its effectiveness. As I look at their leaders, I’m considering the price they paid, an expression of sacrificial love in response to His Sacrificial Love. My prayer is that in view of His Mercy, I too would live in surrender and grow in my capacity, ready for His call.
