Forging communities on mission outside of Christendom has been a refreshing and exhilarating experience. I’m a strategist and futurist by nature, so I have the propensity to convince myself I’ve sized up all the challenges that will come my way, before they come my way. But there was one issue that I was not prepared to run into so regularly and widely: bitterness.
Over and over again, our team has collided with the thick smog of bitterness that saturates many conversations and any intentional gathering related to Christianity. I’ve studied up on Post-Christianity, but nothing could ready me for the discipleship challenge of very real and raw people being riddled with bitterness and cynicism.
Outside the Tent
For as much theological space and diversity as our community embraces, for as relational as our ethos is, for as organic as our church ecclesiology is, we’ve found no way around colliding with deeply entrenched bitterness. I had a bit of a fantasy that because we were unlike institutional, hierarchical, consumer-oriented, more conservative expressions of church, we would avoid this reality. But bitterness travels.
Bitterness goes where we go, and it paralyzes our energy for mission and community. Any team pioneering ministry outside of evangelicalism will suddenly find themselves outside the “Big Tent.” It’s out here in this wide open terrain, that does not appeal to church shoppers, that you will meet countless people who’ve seen, experienced or been through Christianity, and carry massive wounds from that experience. For them the church was crueler and colder than expected.
The Prevalent Poison
A missional church must come to terms with the overwhelming number of people that carry a burning bitterness. In many ways, their inner turmoil toward the church and its extensions are justified. There is no erasing the experiences that they lived through. Many of these angers have been untouched, but quite possibly have been stoked by others who are just as turned off and angry. But I am so thoroughly convinced that bitterness and cynicism are the most prevalent poison in our times.
When we are hurt, dashed and royally let down, a villain is erected. It becomes a subconscious controlling figure that clouds our choices, opinions and spiritual trajectory. Bitterness slowly burns a consuming mark on our outlook of the future. Emotional disappointment, if unaddressed, renders us perpetually frustrated and disillusioned, even if the scenery changes.
Five Common Points of Bitterness
Here are some tangible and personal points of bitterness we’ve discovered in the city we love. In no way am I trying to stereotype or demonize. In some ways, this is an over-simplistic presentation. I find it a privilege to be in the presence of people who are genuinely skeptical. Still, these are real-life touch points that our missional church has encountered up close and personal.
1. Bitterness Towards Leadership
A Christian leader really let them down, dashed their hopes, made promises they never followed through on, used power for personal gain, treated them like a number, or gave them bad counsel. Their experience with Christian leadership colors their whole feeling towards authority.
Missional Challenge: For as gracious, hospitable, trusting and peaceable as your current leadership might be, often times you will still be viewed through that skeptical lens created by bitterness. Their radar is on high alert looking for signs that you are not who you say you are. Often, they are expecting the other shoe to drop, feeling spiritual abuse is just around the corner.
2. Bitterness Towards Christian Parents
Parents gave them a faith of obedience that gave little space for exploration, mystery and independence. Their parents went to church regularly and even had leadership roles, but were judgmental, unloving and selfish.
Missional Challenge: There are sores around this paternal relationship making it hard for them to cozy up to church because in some way it symbolizes the faith of their parents.
