“Did you receive confirmation when you met your husband?”
I had just finished up speaking to a group of 20s/30s singles, when a young woman came up to me afterward with this question.
“Ummm …. confirmation?”
For a moment, my mind blanked as I tried to figure out what she meant. Confirmation … was she talking about confirmation like with my airline tickets? Or maybe that class that Catholic kids have to take … ?
And then it dawned on me. She meant “confirmation” ………………… from God.
As in: Did God give you some sort of a sign when you met your husband, that he was the one you were going to marry?
“Uh, no, actually. I didn’t.”
She glanced back at me with a look of surprise on her face. So I quickly explained.
“When I met my husband for the first time … I had no clue that he would be my husband. There was no spotlight shining down on him, no writing in the sky, no voices from heaven—not even ‘that gut feeling.’ So no, there wasn’t an instant confirmation from God. But what God DID do was give me a sort of ‘confirmation’ every step of our relationship. The more I got to know John, the more we grew in our relationship, the more I got to see his traits and characteristics, and the clearer it was that he was the kind of person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.”
When it comes to relationships, so many people are waiting for that magical moment. I’m here to tell you that whether or not that magical moment even exists, it can’t be trusted, because it’s not “confirmation”—it’s feelings.
What IS confirmation is moving into a relationship baby step by baby step, looking for the evidence of health, maturity and compatibility each step of the way.
As I got to know my husband during the two years of our friendship, dating and engagement, I realized that he was “the one” I wanted to marry because he possessed the qualities of the “five” types of people I needed in my life:
One of the most important ingredients in a healthy relationship is the component of friendship. When it came to moving forward in a dating relationship, I wanted to marry someone who I could consider my BFF, someone I enjoyed spending time with and felt comfortable around. I noticed that it was one of the first relationships in which I was encouraged to simply “be myself” and not have to worry about feeling accepted or trying to impress.
There is nothing more special than being married to someone with whom you can laugh, cry, talk, play and simply enjoy each other’s company. And because so much of marriage is made up of ordinary moments like grocery shopping, managing money and cleaning—who better to do those things with than your very best friend. Marry your BFF, because a true friend loves at all times (Proverbs 17:17).
When you think of choosing someone to marry—your mind doesn’t automatically go to changing baby diapers, cleaning bathrooms and folding laundry. But you know what, maybe it should. The funny thing about marriage is that in a way, you’re marrying a “co-worker” in that you’re choosing someone who can walk by your side in the ‘work’ that life brings your way.