I mentioned relational warmth; this is a quality that we all appreciate in friends. It is the ability to be selfless, gracious and peaceful—all while giving the griever the freedom to be none of these—and assuring them you will still love them and they are safe with you.
Jill and Kara write about this in Just Show Up. This book is not specific to walking with someone in grief but just walking with someone in the hard parts of their life. The first step in any relationship is to notice them and then to move toward them.
Walking toward someone takes a lot of selflessness and sympathy, love, a tender heart, and a humble mind (I Peter 3:8). These attributes are helpful to focus on as you give freedom to the grieving. But we need to remember there is no secret formula—sometimes our efforts are received, and sometimes they are not. And that’s OK. What is valuable is engaging someone without expectation that they will be who you want them to be and grieve how you want them to grieve. Love them by giving them this freedom.
Have you ever laid expectations on someone who is grieving and felt at a loss when their grief did not meet that expectation? How did you love them at that point? Is there someone in your life—church, school, work, neighborhood—who is grieving? How can you move toward them in kindness, offering freedom and safety? Maybe you are the one who is grieving. What does your grief process look like? Is it a dot on a line? A framed window? Something else? What has been particularly helpful to you? Has someone loved you well in your grief?
