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3 Things I Would Say to a Divorced Person

divorced marriage

Some of the most frequently asked questions in churches have to do with the issue of divorce.  There is not one person reading this article right now that does not know someone who has gone through a divorce. You’ve seen the guilt, pain, fear and uncertainty that comes along with it.

What would I specifically say to a divorced person if I had the chance to sit down face to face with them?

#1—You are not a piece of crap! 

I’ve met very few people who have gone through a divorce that actually felt like they had accomplished something awesome.

The Bible does say in Malachi 2:16 that God hates divorce … but THAT DOES NOT MEAN THAT GOD HATES YOU!!!

God hates divorce because He knows and understands the cycle of heartache and pain that it is going to bring about in the lives of so many people. However, if you have gone through a divorce … get this—He knew that about you before you were even born. And He made you anyway, loved you, made arrangements to pay for your sin and is with you right now!!

#2—You are NOT going to have to settle in the future if you want a relationship. 

I’ve seen way too many divorced people (especially women) buy into the lie that they are “damaged goods,” and because of that they think they should not expect to ever have any sort of great relationship in the future.

If I could, I would lock eyes with every divorced person on the planet and beg them to not believe this.

I’ve seen the people who bought into this lie (because they were desperate for a relationship) begin dating someone and literally say, “I know I should not be with that person, but I’m divorced and they are the only person who will have me.”

THAT’S NOT TRUE!!!

There is not a thing you can do about your past—but, in Christ He really is able to do immeasurably more than anything you could ever ask for or imagine.

Even if you’ve been divorced.

#3—Don’t rush back into marriage! 

I understand a divorced person may deal with extreme bouts of loneliness; however, don’t let fear of being alone cause you to rush into a relationship that over time causes you to feel more lonely than you did when no one was around.

It’s always best after a divorce takes place to take some time to reflect, to ask Jesus to help you with any bitterness you feel toward your ex-spouse, to own up to anything you may have done to bring about the divorce (instead of always blaming your spouse for everything) and to allow Jesus to bring healing to your heart.

ONE MORE THING: 

If you are reading this right now and are married but considering a divorce … don’t use this article as an excuse to go ahead and go through with it.

I really do believe that divorce is not God’s best plan for our lives.

I believe if couples would learn to fight for one another rather than with one another that the quality of relationships would dramatically improve. Jesus will walk with you and your spouse through this difficult time—and the best thing you can do if you feel like giving up is ask for help ASAP!!!

I did not write this article to give someone permission to seek out a divorce, but rather to let those who have gone through one know that their life is not over.  

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pnoble@churchleaders.com'
Perry Noble is the founding and senior pastor of NewSpring Church in South Carolina. The church averages 26,000 people during weekend services at multiple campuses throughout the state. You can read all of Perry’s unfiltered thoughts about life and leadership at PerryNoble.com. Don’t worry, he holds nothing back.