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6 Signs He or She Isn’t Marriage Material

They’ve demonstrated obedience and wise living and I believe they will be honorable husbands. I don’t want you men to think I don’t have any empathy for you—I do. And I admit that there is a difference between a guy whose brain is being shaped by this who in fact has no history apart from this, who settles into hours-long porn sessions as his brain is sadly re-wired away from real-life on a regular basis, and a man who earnestly struggles because of his past but is seeing far more victory than defeat.

Any defeat represents future vulnerability, however, and women do need to be careful and wise—that’s simply the nature of addiction. Porn certainly isn’t the only sin, but left unchecked, it can be among the most destructive.

6. He or she is not humble.

Humility is sadly under-rated. The Christian classics call it “the queen of the virtues” for good reason. Humility is the foundation for virtually every other positive character quality. It’s what spawns kindness, service, generosity and confession.

Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, but less about yourself. If you marry an arrogant person, every time there’s a conflict he/she will expect you to change instead of examining their own heart to see what they need to change. That gets really old.

A proud person will choose to live where he/she wants to live. They will spend their holidays with whom they want to spend their holidays, and they will find ways to punish you if they don’t get their way. They will spend money as if their needs and wants are more important than anyone else’s. And you will feel as if you matter less and less as the years go by, instead of mattering more and more.

If you want a few tests for humility, I’ve got a few sections on this in The Sacred Search (see especially pages 127-128 and 134-136).

A lot of married readers who follow this blog still read the posts intended for singles, so other married readers, help me out: what important warning signs preventing someone from being marriage material did I leave out? Do you agree with the ones I mention here?

Let’s start a conversation.

This article about what prevents someone from being marriage material originally appeared here. See Gary’s latest book here.

Gary Thomas recently spoke about marriage on the ChurchLeaders podcast. Listen to his interview here.

Cherish
Check out Cherish, Gary’s latest book on marriage, here.