–micromanages his co-workers and colleagues. He alone knows what is best and allows them no room for individual expression.
–feels threatened when someone disagrees with him. Usually reacts angrily and with harshness.
–forces those taking contrary positions out of office. “My way or the highway” is his mantra.
You get the picture.
Final question: What if you are a member of the bully’s staff (as a worship leader, student minister, etc.)? What are you to do?
I’m tempted to ask how this happened, how you ended up on a church staff with someone so difficult to work with. But I’m aware the answer is often: “I was here first.” The pastors who bully came later, and might even be new. The church leadership—knowingly or cluelessly—brought in a pastor who would rule over the church with a heavy hand. And you are left to deal with it.
So, what should you do?
–Pray, pray, pray. Ask the Father all the questions bugging you. How to respond to the pastors who bully today, what to do when the pastors who bully ask you to do something you cannot or would rather not do, how to make your thoughts known to the preachers, and so forth.
–Get two or three or four friends in other areas to pray for you constantly. These could be members of previous churches or classmates from school. They should be able to keep a confidence.
–Don’t get territorial—as in “I was here first, and God called me to be minister of music and this is my job.” That attitude will get you a quick exit and a bad recommendation for the next church. Keep your eyes on the Lord and look to Him.
–Ask the Father about making this situation known to a key church leader, someone of great integrity and trust. If you do this in the flesh or if it’s handled wrongly, it could be interpreted by the pastor as you making an end-run around him and be considered disloyalty. Pastors who bully would see this as grounds for dismissal.
–If things are really bad—to the point that you are considering leaving, but would rather not—then try something bold. Go in to the pastor’s office and tell him kindly, gently, forcibly, assertively what he is doing and how it feels to you, and why it is wrong. You do this only when you have come to the point that “if worse comes to worse, all he can do is fire me.” I’d rehearse again and again, with my wife but mostly with the Lord, what I wanted to say to him. Then, go for it.
–If nothing changes and the bully continues to tyrannize the staff, get your resume up to date and share with your most trusted friends. Ask the Father who called you into this work in the first place to open up the next assignment for you.
–If nothing else opens up or if you do not feel led to leave, then ask the Father to show you how to do your job well under these most difficult circumstances. It can be done. If you make the decision to try to stay, then consider walking in to the pastor’s office and asking, “Tell me what you’d like me to do. You are my pastor and my boss and I want to do everything I can to bless this church and honor your leadership. Tell me how.”
God bless you, friend. The good news about having a tyrant for a boss is the next place you serve will feel like heaven.
This article about pastors who bully originally appeared here.