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Women Who Idolize the Wrong Men

Today’s guest post is written by none other than my awesome cousin, Ryan Goble. Ryan is a recent college graduate and when I asked him to write about some of his observations about young single women and the ways they view men, he didn’t let me down. His thoughts here are insightful, challenging, and, in my opinion, right on. I hope you enjoy!

Lately, I have noticed a trend among college women and especially Christian college women. I see this trend as a cancer in the church that desperately needs to be cut out before it kills a generation of men and women…

For generations it has been expressed that men are the ones who deal with issues of lust and desire. Yet, with the modern day movie and music star, I believe that our women are being greatly affected by society’s lies of what they should be looking for in a man. I believe that this issue has been buried so deep that we often do not even see it as an issue.

Have you ever been with a group of women and listened to them talk about how they are “in love” with their favorite movie star? Or how they are going to watch their “boyfriend” on the big screen? Do you know women who talk non-stop about the men they idolize and how great it would be if they could just be married to them?

Have you ever heard women talk about a man’s abs or his arms in ways that their husband (or future husband) would NOT be happy? If you haven’t heard a woman talk like this, I’m happy for you, because as a man, it sucks.

But here’s the clincher: I believe that modern day romance films and “sexy” actors and musicians are doing the same thing to women that pornography is doing to men. Here’s how…

It is training women to have ridiculous standards for the men in their lives or for the men that “should be” in their lives. This generation has learned about love from Titanic, The Notebook, A Walk To Remember, and Twilight (this one is especially painful), instead of learning about love from the Bible.

This generation’s image of what an ideal man is comes from actors like Daniel Craig, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Channing Tatum, or from musicians like Justin Beiber or that guy from Maroon 5, instead of from men in the Bible.

So what’s wrong with this? As Christians, we should not form our beliefs and desires from what society tells us we should want and desire, but instead we should actively search out what the Bible has to say on the subject. Then, we see if God would have us view the world in a certain manner first. This means that instead of looking to these superfluous movies as the holy grail of love advice, we look to the Lord.

I, for one, would rather look at how to please my lady in the Bible, instead of from Cosmo or Rolling Stone. Books in the Bible like the Song of Solomon and Ruth offer excellent examples of relationships that should be sought after and praised! These books tell beautiful stories of what men and women of God should look like, as they pursue the opposite in a relationship. Using these books and getting to know them well, will help a person to wait on the Lord for the man or woman He has for you.

Now, you also may be reading this and you may be thinking to yourself that you don’t do this and you use Jesus as the benchmark of whom your spouse should be. But, even looking to Jesus can still be unrealistic because the only person who can be like Jesus is Jesus Himself.  So what we should be looking for is not to marry Jesus but to have Him sanctify our relationships so that our focus is not on each others flaws but on the beauty of Jesus in whom all things are possible.

As a male in the church I am constantly being told  by pastors to grow up, take on more responsibility, and become a man so that I can take care of a woman one day; but I don’t hear the same message being told to women on a large enough scale.

So here it is ladies, I think it’s time to grow up and follow after Jesus instead of pop culture. It’s time to stop idealizing the wrong men or comparing us to famous men. It’s time to let God form your image of the perfect guy, ’cause he’s out there. He just might look a bit differently than you’re expecting.

What kind of man does God say I should look for? What is a man of God and what does he look like? If you are a woman, how are you allowing God to form how you see men?

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Nicole Cottrell is trained in the fine art of button-pushing. She uses her skills daily on Modern Reject where she writes about the intersection of faith and culture as well as the unpopular stuff no one else likes to talk about. Nicole is a speaker, writer, discipler, and coffee fanatic. She and her husband planted the Foundation, a network of house churches in Arizona. Nicole lives in Scottsdale with her husband and two little munchkins, three of the coolest and funniest people she knows.