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Six Actions to Become a More Vulnerable Leader

I’ve spent the last several years of my leadership journey attempting to be the most open and authentic version of myself. I decorated my office with vintage skateboards complete with skulls and other typical skater graphics. I added the Lego Harry Potter castle to my shelves (yes, the big one, if you’re wondering). I dressed the way I liked rather than what was expected of me by others. I kept it classy, but I also kept it real.

Basically, I stopped pretending to be what others thought a leader was supposed to be.

That journey took a long time. I couldn’t be the real me until I uncovered the real me again. And that took time. Years and years of pretending made the archeological dig for my full self difficult.

If you want to be a real leader, do these things immediately:

1. Find Yourself, gain.

You can’t be real if you don’t really know yourself. After years of playing the part o a leader, it’s time to let go of the picture and find your true self again. Remember that kid you once were? That’s was the full version of you — the version of you before you were “taught” how to be someone else. The kid in you knows who you are. As an adult, you’ve just forgotten.

Playing pretend as a kid prepares us to become an adult. Playing pretend as an adult keeps us from being an adult.

I’d encourage you to engage a leadership coach, counselor, or therapist. The longer you’ve pretended to be what you thought a leader needed to be, the more difficult it will be to rediscover yourself.

Real leaders allow themselves to be real people.

2. Prepare Your Heart to Follow Someone Else’s Lead.

We’ve so elevated leadership that followership seems like a loss. Not everyone is created to be a point leader. Yes, everyone needs to learn to lead themselves, but there is a difference between leading an organization and leading within an organization.

Not everyone is meant to be a point leader, and that’s okay. The world needs incredible organizers and orchestrators. Organizations need managers. I suspect there are many leaders who, if given a chance to know themselves and be honest with others, would admit they are playing a role they weren’t created to play.

3. Get Comfortable Saying, “I Don’t Know.”

It’s time to disconnect great leadership from having all the answers. Great leaders are not confident in their intellect, but rather in their resourcefulness. Great leaders don’t have all the answers, but they know how to engage others who do.

Saying “I don’t know” isn’t a sign of poor leadership. What could be worse as a leader than pretending to have an answer that you don’t have? That’s exhausting. And, it’s poor leadership.

4. Allow Your Followers to Know You — The Real You.

Sure, oversharing can become a hindrance. That’s true for every person, not just leaders. But great leaders don’t remain hidden from their followers, either. Great leaders find a healthy emotional balance with their followers, allowing those around them to get to know the real them.

It may sound silly, but that’s partially why I hung skateboards and placed Harry Potter castles in my office. When people walk in, I want them to see things representing the real me. They are great conversation starters for sure. They are also physical representations of the real person behind the title and corner office.