What’s even more aggravating is that the people who most often say that they aren’t being fed are not taking advantage of the church’s existing discipleship programs, aren’t serving in any meaningful way, and oftentimes are not financially giving.
This is akin to a person who goes to the gym once a week, only walking on the treadmill for 15 minutes before leaving, and then complaining about their trainer’s effectiveness when they don’t find themselves any more in shape than they were three months ago.
In other words, if you are feeling like you’re “not being fed,” ensure that you are allowing for the possibility that it’s a “you” thing. This isn’t always the case, but quite often it is.
5. Any Criticism Given Under the Veil of a Compliment
Some folks are really creative about criticizing and insulting their pastors through smiling teeth. Sometimes, a veiled critique even comes wrapped in a compliment.
When I was an associate pastor at a church, I was often told that I should go and plant my own church. On the face of it, this seems like a great compliment—an affirmation of my giftings and leadership potential.
But the timing of such a comment typically seemed to indicate that it was more of a nice way to say that a person wished I was gone.
Sometimes, I would receive this remark after preaching a sermon in which I said something the person didn’t like. Other times, it was said when I was communicating a leadership decision or change that would affect a person’s cherished ministry opportunity or structure. But it was said often enough that I got the idea.
It really is a cruel thing to use what was ostensibly a compliment as a veiled insult. And doing so reveals both a lack of kindness and spiritual maturity.
Sticks and Stones
To paraphrase an oft-repeated axiom, sticks and stones may break your pastor’s bones, but words can be like death by a thousand cuts. Your words matter, so be careful not to inflict harm on your pastor with what you say.
This isn’t to say that you can never have a hard conversation with your pastor or that he’s so emotionally fragile that even the slightest bit of sarcasm will cause him to lose sleep. But it is to say that, by virtue of his position of spiritual leadership, he is worthy of honor and respect. And he is likely more than willing and ready to respond to you with similar esteem.
So strive to be honest, direct, sincere, and kind. In the words of the apostle Paul, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 4:6).
