Kary Oberbrunner founded Redeem the Day ministries, he’s also the author of The Fine Line, Called and The Journey toward Relevance. In this interview Kary gives us exclusive insights into his new book, Your Secret Name.
Kary, tell us how this book came about—what was the passion behind it?
I guess growing up with a girl’s name (Kary) left me perpetually wanting more in the whole name area. You might say I was “name deprived.” I’ve always been utterly intrigued with the verse in Revelation 2:17 about the new name written on the white stone. Like most people though, I never knew what this verse meant. To me it sounded like fiction. And let’s be honest most people don’t know anything about this verse. Even as a graduate of two seminaries with a Master’s and Doctorate degree, I’ve never heard one single talk on this verse. It’s kind of like God hard-wired us to desire a Secret Name and put a verse in His word about it. Strangely, for the most part, church history has left us in the dark about it. So by accident I set out on a task to explore the epic truth surrounding this concept of Secret Names.
Names were very important in Bible times; are they just as important today?
We’ve lost a sense of who we are. And so we’re on a quest to discover our true identity. There was once a world without names, but one single choice in Eden changed all that. Ever since the Tower of Babel, we’ve been trying to make a name for ourselves outside of a relationship with God (Genesis 11:4). Our experience with names is incredibly impoverished comparatively speaking, but our need to discover our true name is just as poignant as in Bible times.
Your Secret Name is honest and at times even raw—was it a tough to write, especially considering the personal nature of the book?
I remember early in the writing process sitting on the floor in my basement staring at my computer, with my medical/mental health/counseling files spread out in piles all over. This book took a real chunk of me with it. In some respects the book is my heart and my life. I didn’t hold anything back, including my detailed struggle overcoming an addiction to self-injury, even while functioning as a pastor. I couldn’t have written this way seven years ago when I wrote my first book because this process of removing my mask has been a slow, but rewarding endeavor. Emerging into freedom always is.
In the book you discuss the “imposter syndrome” and how does it affects ministry leaders? Can you describe this to our readers
Experts say that 70% of us are imposters, especially those in leadership positions.
Many of us exist as out-of-touch anomalies—more aware of the oil levels in the cars we drive than the soul levels in the lives we live. This discrepancy is why we’re addicted to affirmation, why we work the long hours, why we keep massaging that unspoken addiction.
We look to other people for cues on who we really are. Then we take those cues and tell ourselves to be satisfied with the trivial terms these people grant us. No wonder we feel an unsettling ache deep within.
When we pretend others can somehow grant us our Secret Name, we only perpetuate the lie.
Fellow humans, no matter how loud they speak, can never replace the voice of the Father. His whisper alone satisfies the soul ache that universally infects us all. He knows us much better than we know ourselves.
Truth is we’d miserably fail a self-awareness test even if our lives depended on it.
This reality touches on a serious condition—called imposter syndrome—which affects more and more people annually. People who suffer from imposter syndrome feel they don’t know themselves—like they’re phonies and frauds. They use similar phrases to describe they’re fears, phrases like:
“I’m a fake.”
“I’m going to be found out.”
“’They’ made a mistake and I shouldn’t be here.”
These feelings prove toxic on many fronts. For starters, people with imposter syndrome often put unhealthy pressure on themselves. Because they’re plagued with a fear of being found out, they vow never to slip up or mess up; as a result they often struggle with perfectionism. By default they believe their efforts don’t measure up and always feel they are one step short of where they should be.
Guilt and depression often settle in.
Environments like the church can unknowingly perpetuate plastic performance. Followers of Jesus must courageously embrace a life of authenticity and carve out new environments that celebrate brokenness and healing. Churches should be known as hospitals for sinners rather than museums for saints.
You’ve faced some real criticisms about this book; what’s so controversial about it?
Humans fear what they don’t know and because most of us haven’t grown up knowing the story of Secret Names we’re afraid. This is a tactic of the Enemy. His mission is to steal, kill, and destroy. He wants to keep us in the dark regarding our divine destiny.
Many of us fear the possibility of being powerful, the possibility of actually kicking back the darkness. And so we prefer living small, because it’s safer.
Most people also don’t know that Jesus has a Secret Name (Revelation 3:12 and 19:12) or that His followers will have His name on their foreheads for all eternity (Revelation 22:3-4).
The bulk of us exchange a life of bold adventure for a predictable, bland, and dutiful religious one.
The truth is that the story of Secret Names is found throughout the Bible beginning in Genesis and ending in Revelation. The truth is that this epic tale resides in us all.
We know this. We feel this. And we taste this. As a result, we kill the one thing that could set us free. We’d rather be slaves to our Given Names than liberated, walking in our New Names.
Why is this book so important for church leaders?
Church leaders set the pace. If church leaders prefer wearing masks and posturing for position, than the non-leaders are even 10 steps behind them. Church leaders must model what it means to live freely as the people of God who’ve discovered how to walk in their New Names.
