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How Much Should Pastors Share With Their Spouses?

4. Share what will build unity of heart in ministry.

Share thoughts on the good. Share thoughts on the overall direction of the church, and the daydreams you have about how God can work. Listen to theirs. Do the same with tragedies.

A year ago, I had a friend commit suicide here in San Diego. I ID’d the body (he jumped off a bridge), helped pastor the family (none of who were Christians), and performed an emotional funeral. It was tempting not to talk about it — because I didn’t want to have to relive it. That would have been wrong.

Sharing my heart with Emily helped build intimacy in our marriage, helped her minister to me, and bolstered our commitment to serving the Lord together.

When we’re thinking about a major move at church, or I’m thrilled about something going on, I share that. It gives her a chance to add her “Amen” to it, and keeps us focused on what God’s doing rather than what Satan’s up to.

5. Find ways to help your spouse understand that while Jesus is first, ministry is third behind Jesus and your family.

Ministry need not be a competitor to family life. Ministry can be huge blessing to family life — usually when it’s third in life.

When family comes before Jesus, it’s an idol. When ministry comes ahead of family in your heart — that’s a problem.

Families usually understand certain sacrifices need to be made for ministry. However, they don’t want to be sacrificed — and God doesn’t want that either. Having a few spandex boundaries helps with this.

So does simply saying it out loud around your spouse and children. Ministry and family are not enemies — they are allies. However, the evil one will try to pit them against one another. Sharing a biblical priority system out loud will enrich your home and keep your priorities better aligned.

Question: What would you add to this? How have you learned the good way or hard way about how to share ministry with your spouse?