A decade of kids, church planting and spiritual drifting, mixed with a career that gave me a platform, combined with my selfish spirit nearly destroyed me and my family.
At our first appointment, my counselor looked at me and said, “You are responsible for your own actions.”
Then she widened her gaze, looking at Jennie and I and said, “You both are responsible for the condition of your marriage.”
She didn’t make me cry or hug somebody or tell me to try harder. She didn’t tell me to pray about everything and to lean on the Holy Spirit.
Going into it, I wasn’t sure it would help, but she was smart and she was honest. She was honest, insightful and helpful.
Today, I have a dramatically different opinion about counseling.
Every pastor and church leader should go to counseling.
I’m not talking about talking to another pastor or skyping with a life coach. I’m talking about the real deal. I’m talking about paying for professionals. I’m talking about preventative soul-care.
And every church should put monthly sessions into their budget. Every single pastor and leader on staff should get ten sessions a year. You’re asking these people to shepherd your soul so give them some resources to take care of their own. Make sure your entire church knows it’s normal and healthy.
Every human being, whether a person of faith or not, should go to therapy.
As a person of faith, it was important to me to see someone who shared my same values but who could be real. But I truly believe if you are breathing, you could benefit from professional counseling.
I think we’re on some kind of maintenance plan now. I rotate my tires and go talk to Dianne every 5,000 miles. We check in from time to time, and I imagine it’s something we’ll do for the rest of our lives.
I neither proud nor embarrassed to say I go to counseling. It’s just reality. And I hope it will become a reality for you.
