The third sin that many pastors deal with is the sin of the pastor’s family and the view they give.
The blame for this sin sits with the pastor, his wife and the church. Often equally.
First, many pastors and their wives feels the need to be perfect. They feel that they are on this pedestal and must always appear happy, put together, growing in their relationship with Jesus. No flaws can ever be seen in their marriage, parenting or life.
Often, church members want this. They want their pastor and his wife to appear above the struggles they have. Consequently, a pastor and his wife always feel like they are putting on a show, unsure of who they can be real with, unsure of who they can let their guard down around. What quickly happens is anger, frustration, sadness stay pent up until it becomes bitterness and rage that is let out at the worst possible moment.
This gets passed on to the kids of a pastor. They feel that they have to behave perfectly, almost like little adults.
I remember when we first started Revolution, and after a service all the kids, read that again, all the kids in our small church plant were dancing on the stage and jumping off. A woman came up to me and said, “Is it a good idea for your kids to be on stage dancing and jumping off the stage? I’m not sure a pastor’s kid should behave like that?”
Notice, there were 12-15 kids doing this. My kids at the time were a little over one and three and a half. I looked at her and said, “I can’t think of a better thing for my kids to do be doing right now than acting like little kids and having fun.”
This one is difficult because when expectations don’t match up, fights and division occur.
As the pastor, you have to lead on this one. In your home and in your church. You set the tone.
For me, I have friends I can vent to. Friends I can be myself around. Friends I can blow off steam with. Friends that when I get angry at someone, am hurt or frustrated, will listen and then challenge me with the gospel. Friends who don’t expect me to be perfect.
Your wife also needs to have friends like this.