My heart broke this week as I watched pastor Ron Carpenter pour out his heart in his weekend message to his congregation. It was a gut wrenching experience as he shared with his church the devastating pain his family has endured over the past 10 years, and the incredibly difficult future they now face.
I have never met Ron, but my heart and prayers go out to him. I can’t imagine the anguish of sharing the most awful parts of your private life with hundreds of friends and thousands of strangers.
This is a time when we put aside theological differences and preconceptions and pray for a man and a family wrecked by the effects of evil.
Seeing Ron expose his heart and soul to his congregation reminds me of several hard-earned lessons from a lifetime of ministry. These lessons are not about Ron Carpenter or Redemption World Outreach Center (I don’t know anything about Ron, his leadership or the structure of his church); these are the lessons of 31 years of vocational ministry. Lessons learned growing up a third-generation pastor’s kid, watching 30 members of my extended family in active ministry, and interacting with hundreds of pastors and leaders across the country.
I’ve organized these lessons into four “Y”s of healthy ministry.
1. Integrity: I am real.
Integrity: being complete or undivided.
While all pastors stress the importance of integrity, there is a temptation in ministry to create an onstage image different from who they really are. Very few set out to be two different people, it just happens. This is an incredibly dangerous road to go down.
I’ve seen a couple of iterations of this tendency to project an idealized leader for public consumption. In one version, the leader creates a more polished image of himself. He is incredibly happy, has a well-adjusted family and lives a super-desirable lifestyle. He faces challenges and temptations, but he always overcomes in the end. The implied message is that if his followers will emulate his faith, they too can live a charmed life. Social media has made this temptation into an art. The leader tweets about his “smokin’ hot wife,” his incredible kids and the constant spiritual breakthroughs he achieves. He creates a life everyone wishes they had. In reality, its a life he wishes he had as well.
In the second version, the leader creates a more raw version of himself. He talks about a crisis of faith he never really had. He embellishes college stories to better match those of his congregation. He exaggerates family challenges to sound more like the real life stuff his followers deal with every day. This version of the leader requires that he hide a relatively innocent youth, as well as the luxuries ministry success has afforded him. He must feign humility even when he doesn’t feel humble. The message to the church is, “You can follow me because I’m just like you.”
Authentic ministry requires one version of you. You may be a little more refined in public, hopefully you don’t scratch and spit as much, but people who know you should be able to say you’re the same guy on stage as you are at the ballgame. The real you will eventually come out, so you might as well be you from the beginning.
