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Suicide, Evangelicalism and Sorrow

I can only imagine what many Christians must go through trying to reconcile the things we Evangelicals say are true with the realities of their own lives.

Do we actually believe that the many pastors who have been characterized as fallen decided to be hateful, immoral, greedy or deceitful? I think not.

In my case, I was taught that life transformation took place at salvation and the power to overcome was inherent with the baptism in the Holy Spirit. My early Christian training was given by those who did not respect the mental health profession, nor the field of neural science.

So I believed the solution to my struggle was exclusively spiritual, which turned out to be counterproductive.

If I prayed and fasted, I was more tempted. If I just worked in ministry, I experienced relief and was not tempted. I thought it was spiritual warfare. It was not. My struggle was easily explained by a competent therapeutic team.

But many in the church-world had to demonize the facts. My accuser failed his lie detector test and refused to take another, and I passed four lie detector tests given by three different polygraphers saying that the primary accusations were false. This so confused the narrative the church wanted to publicly present, they hid the tests from the public. The lead overseer actually told me, “Brother Ted, we do not believe in this psychological mumbo-jumbo, but we need to send you to therapy for the sake of the public. Then when you get home, we’ll get this demon out of you and your family and sweet Miss Gayle will be just fine.”

I thank God for the therapy. It answered 30 years of prayer. I became the man I had always prayed to be because of the process I went through during the crisis. Though I do believe there is a need for deliverance in some situations, for that sincere overseer, the world is way too flat.

Saints, I have a high view of Scripture and am persuaded that the theological underpinnings of Evangelicalism are valid, but I am growing away from the Evangelical culture we have created.

I think our movement has abandoned the application of the Gospel, and as a result, we spend too much time on image management and damage control. Maybe we should be willing to admit that we are all growing in grace, be willing to be numbered with the transgressors, and stop overstating and overpromising.

Jesus has been faithful to all of us in the midst of our pain, our suffering and our disappointments. Why don’t we tell that?

Every one of us have had sin horribly intrude in our lives after being saved and filled with the Holy Spirit, and God is faithfully healing us or has healed us. Why don’t we tell that?

He has never left us or forsaken us when we’ve said and done the wrong thing. Why don’t we tell that?

And when our children disappoint and hurt us, or we disappoint and hurt them, God sees us … and them. Why don’t we tell that as well?

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ted@churchleaders.com'
Ted Haggard is the founding pastor of St. James Church in Colorado Springs, CO, the second church he and his wife, Gayle, have started during their 34-year marriage. Their first church, New Life Church, enjoyed 22 years of consecutive double digit growth, primarily through conversions, and grew from 20 people meeting in the basement of their home to 14,000 people meeting on a $50 million campus. Ted served as president of the 30,000,000 member National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) from 2003-2006, where he became a public figure representing evangelicalism in the press and with world leaders. In 2006, Ted resigned from all leadership positions confessing to personal moral failure. He confessed, resigned, repented, and submitted to church authorities for a two-year period of healing and restoration.