My closest friend and I had a chuckle yeserterday about something she’d read regarding how men can keep the romance alive in their marriages. It was written from a Christian perspective, so there wasn’t anything nasty in there.
I am not an overly romantic person, and that’s good, because my husband isn’t the type either. And that’s OK with us. If he was to sit down, at candlelight, look into my eyes and recite poetry, we’d both end up laughing. We love candlelight, but we have never been what I would call romance lovers.
That isn’t to say that he hasn’t done things that are romantic. When we’d been married 20 years, between him and a friend of mine, a plan was hatched for me to visit her in California. He did all of the arranging himself. That was romantic. For him, having Rice Pudding for dessert fosters romance. Maybe we’re weird.
Last night, after my husand read what I had read, he took up one of the author’s suggestions to sing to me, and he began to belt out “Unchained Melody,” and in a strange twist of irony, “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling.” After the pets ran away and hid, he stopped. Most of the time when my husband sings to me, he does it to generate laughter.
After the furor died down, my husband looked at me and asked me seriously, “Would you ever want me to do any of those things?”
I told him without hesitation, no. And I told him that what is the most romantic thing to me is twofold: consistency and follow-through. My husband is one of the most consistent people I know. Relationships with moody people are hard. I don’t do those kind well. He is not moody. And when he isn’t juggling 40 things at work, his follow-through is great. I have a husband who calls me almost every night shortly after 5:00 to ask me if I need anything before he leaves the office. How romantic is that?
In talking to my adult children about matters of the heart, I point them regularly to those two qualities. It is essential for both husband and wife. I dated someone who was unpredictable and moody. Those things were what made me look closely and realize that we were not compatible. Romance may take work, but the effects are often fleeting and need to be conjured up again tomorrow. Romance is subjective. Consistency fosters security and trust. When a man stands before God and his family and vows to love his wife as himself, and as Christ loved the church, he’d better know a thing or two about being consistent, because “until we are parted by death” can be a long time. A lot longer than it might take to scratch out a few lines of poetry. If a woman really wants the poetry, then, yes, her husband might want to give it a try. But not every woman wants a poem.
The suggestion to keep the romance alive in a marriage is a good one. But the best piece of advice a man could give another man, in my opinion, is this: Know who your wife is. If a man knows his wife well, talks to her, listens to her and watches her, he’ll know what is romantic to her and what isn’t.
