However, depression is a battle that does not go away. Depression is not easily or quickly cured.
Though it can go as quickly as it came, it can also reappear as quickly as it disappeared. And so, once again, I find myself in the embrace of depression. I find myself back down in the pit of darkness and despair.
Why am I at this place again? I am not sure. For over a year now, I have struggled, at times more intensely than others, but the darkness has never completely lifted.
I have learned many lessons from this struggle.
First, depression comes and goes, even for Christians and a pastor’s wife.
God allows us to be in the darkness for a season, but he is always faithful to bring us out of it. He is there in the darkness whether I feel him or not; he will not abandon me here.
Second, I need others to help me in my struggle.
I have a few very close friends who know very intimately my struggle with depression. When I get to these places of depression, these dear Christian ladies know they need to check on me and remind me of God’s truth.
They often spend time speaking God’s word into my life and reminding me of his care for me. They spend time both praying with me and for me. They are invaluable to my fight with depression.
Third, my husband loves me despite my fight with depression.
I am often tempted to worry that my husband will be disappointed to see me struggle. I am still in shock when he finds joy in caring for me through it.
Now, I recognize that my struggle is hard on him as well. His care for me does not come without great sacrifice on his part. He proactively seeks the help and counseling that I need. He deliberately cares for me and encourages me, even when I don’t receive his care and encouragement.
He has not given up on me.
Fourth, my family doctor has been invaluable in helping me with my struggle.
She often is one of the first to recognize the signs of my depression. She has worked with me to make sure that there are no other underlying physical causes as one of the sources of my depression.
For example, blood work discovered I had a very low B-12 level, depression being a side effect of this condition. Raising my B-12 did not solve my depression issues completely, but treating this did play an important part in dealing with it as a whole.
She has also encouraged me in persevering. Oftentimes, my doctor has reminded me that it is not unique for pastors and their wives to struggle in these ways, as she has treated many. It is invaluable to have a medical person who is like-minded to aid in helping with your struggle.