“That’s probably why you state that you would feel like a hypocrite if you went. Unless you are prepared to create a scene or get into arguments, it doesn’t seem wise to attend. You speak more eloquently by your absence than you could by your presence.”
Violating one’s conscience
The same is true for all church leaders reading these words. When you talk to members fretting over alienating their friends, tell them to remember their friends’ decision to have a public ceremony has deliberately put them on the defensive. They could choose to continue their relationship without flaunting it or requesting their Christian friends’ approval. They are asking the member to violate his or her conscience.
Instead of attending, leaders can suggest the member write a note saying, “Thanks for inviting me to your ceremony. I really appreciate you thinking of me. However, as a follower of Jesus Christ I cannot endorse same-sex marriage, so I will not be attending. As your friend, I want you to know that I love you and want God’s best for you and your partner in the future. Again, thanks for thinking of me.”
If a gay couple distances themselves from a person because of their stand, that is the couple’s choice. While a member may not desire that, neither should he or she be devastated. Remind them they may never know what taking a biblical stand will do to influence others, but it will. And regardless, aligning themselves with God’s view of marriage will always be the right choice.