Here is why people leave our church:
1. Consumers—Because we live in the age of the consumer, some people have no more institutional loyalty to a church than they do a big box store or a restaurant. They shop widely for goods and services (including the Internet), want them as cheap as possible, and often utilize the ministries of two or three churches to meet their needs. They send their kids to day care here, worship there; Bible school here and take a Bible study there.
2. Called—We live in an era of bivocational lay ministers, and I think this is a great thing. But as a result, many gifted leaders seek a “call” to a congregation and when they can’t conduct the exact ministry they came to offer or feel their ministry is complete, they move on. They are not mad; they are “released.” They came to serve … and to leave.
3. Loss of Connection—This one gets a lot of press and it should. In a virtual world, people are clearly longing for real relationships. They want to do life with people who know their names and are of the same age and stage. Or at least they think they want to. Though we offer many such opportunities, many still can’t find that desired connection, and some particularly find such a connection challenging in a large church. It is naïve to think people will stay if you offer more programs. It often really isn’t you, it is them.
4. Drifters—I used to call these church hoppers, but drifters sounds cooler and less judgmental. These folks, and there are a lot of them, just drift from church to church (mainly large ones) and don’t take root anywhere. They are looking for personal faith tips, entertainment, bore easily, don’t volunteer, don’t give and would prefer to live out their faith in anonymous fashion. When the church calls upon its members to step up for something like a building project or a capital campaign, they simply move on. No harm. No foul. Individual churches are like shelters along the Appalachian Trail for these folks; you stay for the night and continue your personal journey.
In a world that wants to blame the institutional church for everything and megachurches for everything else, I would like to offer these observations as a minority report. It is not always the church’s fault, and sometimes it is not anyone’s fault. In this new world, many people are going to stop by your church as they travel though life. Many of these folks will stay for a while and move on. Rather than worry about things you can’t change, I suggest you pour all the Jesus you can into them while you have them. That way, whether they leave tomorrow or stay for a lifetime, we have given them something of true worth!
