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Why You Need Permission to Mentor

I sat across from the church planter like his sending pastor had asked me to. Just as I’d done many times in response to requests from other sending pastors. The fact is that most sending pastors are concerned about the safety of the church planters they’re sending. Similarly, most planters are resentful of their sending pastors and feel held back.

When I come into a situation where the planter is meeting with me out of obeisance to his “line manager,” I’ve learned that building a relationship is crucial. For the first few visits, I’ll get to know the planter a bit. Ask questions. Listen. Tap at things. Nothing big at first. It’s all pretty casual. But then it’s time to make a switch. It’s time to put a ring on it before we go any further.

The next step is crucial to the mentoring/coaching process. I have to ask for their permission to mentor them.

You’ve probably heard that it’s generally frowned upon in polite society to give unbidden advice. The reason is that it’s considered to come from a place of superiority, where the advice giver considers himself better informed or more qualified than the person receiving it. We call people like that blowhards, or know-it-alls who suffer from “the smartest guy in the room” syndrome. I didn’t make the rules, that’s just what they are. Perhaps you’re the guy who believes rules are made to be broken, and that’s your call, but if I’m going to enter into a short-term coaching or long-term mentoring relationship with anyone, on any terms, I’m going to need their permission to speak into their lives.