Margaret used to complain that the moment I walked in the house the telephone started ringing.
I loved my family dearly and I think they knew it. What they could never understand was that the demands on me were never-ending and that I had a hard time telling people ‘no.’
In fact, to this day, I admire people who can say ‘no.’ Over the years, from time to time I would ask people to serve on this committee or that task force, to chair a project or to lead this drive. While I appreciated those who responded eagerly and positively, people who turned me down because “my ministry is in this other direction” or “I’ve promised my wife we would take that trip” earned my total respect. I wished I had their strength of focus.
No one is saying a pastor should put his family before the Lord.
But a pastor doesn’t have to attend every committee meeting.
A pastor doesn’t have to accept all those invitations to speak elsewhere.
A wise minister learns to say, “No.” And if he finds that impossible, he can take a smaller step and practice saying, “Can I pray about that, and get back to you?” Stalling for time—even an hour—allows him to look at his schedule more objectively.
Somewhere I read of David Jeremiah’s angering a church member who had dropped into the office demanding an hour of his time just as the pastor was leaving to make his son’s baseball game. The member was irate that the pastor would put his son’s game ahead of his needs. Jeremiah assured the man that there were other ministers in the building to assist him, and with that, he walked out the door.
The minister who learns to say ‘no’ in order to protect his time with the family will occasionally anger a self-centered, demanding church member. But it’s a small price to pay, and in the long run, works out best both for the family and the immature member.
Only a strong pastor can do this. I sure wish I’d been one.
