So I’ve penciled in some thoughts.
If people were to leave a church well, I think these steps could be helpful and result in the church being stronger, not weaker.
Five Ways to Exit Well
As a church leader, you can’t guarantee people will follow these steps (or steps like them), but you can guide them along in the journey, helping them to exit well.
Most people want to do the right thing. They’re just not sure how. As a leader, you can help them.
Most people want to do the right thing. They’re just not sure how. You can help.
1. Own your piece of the pie.
When you’re ready to leave, it’s so easy to blame everyone else and never look inside.
Ask God to show you what part of your dissatisfaction is you and what might be related to others.
Even get input from others to see if you are seeing things correctly, not in a gossipy way, but in a “What part of this problem is me?” kind of way.
As a tip to church leaders, if you meet with someone who’s leaving, own your part of the pie too. Admit that your church isn’t perfect, empathize with their dissatisfaction and try to learn from it. Often there are things you could do much better.
Great things come from honest conversations in which people take responsibility.
Great things come from honest conversations in which people take responsibility.
2. Talk to someone.
Too many people leave without a conversation.
Don’t leave without a conversation—a healthy, respectful conversation.
In a small church, that might be with the pastor directly.
In a larger church, that might be your group leader, someone you serve with or campus pastor.
Either way, don’t just slip away.
3. Clarify the problem.
I find most people leave over one of two issues: misunderstanding or misalignment.
A misunderstanding can be clarified.
More information, an apology or a new perspective can often move a person from being upset to being at peace quickly.
In fact, the person might not even end up leaving or the church might end up changing.
Misalignment is another issue. If you are fundamentally at odds with the approach of the church, it’s an alignment issue.
And because no local church is the entire body of Christ, healthy leadership should be excited for you to find a church that better aligns with your understanding of church or your personality.
I’m not talking about preferences here (we like the music better), but I am talking about finding your fit in a way that is going to help you become a thriving part of a local church.
Misaligned people never thrive.
I have often encouraged people to find a church that better fits their approach to ministry and am honestly thrilled when they find a good fit.
