Like the spokes on a wheel, a healthy life will have equal investment into each of these five domains. I assessed. My Family domain was healthy. Like many pastors, my Church domain intertwined with my Vocation and Community domains, and all three of those were healthy. My relationship with God was real, and I had authentic community in my church family.
That’s when I realized that my “Personal” domain had become non-existent. In my effort to love God and others, I had completely abandoned any personal time that wasn’t leveraged for productivity. I used to hike, but had given it up to become more productive. I used to read Car and Driver magazine and tinker on my Toyota Land Cruiser, but had given those up for more spiritual pursuits, also.
It sounded silly to me, but Paterson’s (biblical) argument is that if God loves me, then I should love me (see Ephesians 5:29 & Mark 12:31). I had no healthy sense of self-love. And in neglecting healthy sleep and the healthy interests God wired me to enjoy, I had run myself into the ground. I had forced myself to work in a nonstop manner that I would never force on any other employee.
In obedience to God’s love for me as an individual, I assessed my weekly schedule to find space for “Personal Domain” as one component in a balanced life. That led me to my second ministry-saving lesson.
2. The Pit of Emulation
Most of us pastors have ministry heroes. I personally had some national pastor-authors I wanted to be like. I think most of us have ministry role models. That can be a great source of inspiration and direction. But God showed me that I was trying to make my ministry look like someone else’s.
I had been running hard, attempting to do what some of these heroes of mine do. During my low time, I realized that some of the pastor-authors I emulated were manufactured brands, with entire teams who write their book content, manage their national exposure and, for some, teams who even write their sermons. I was trying to do all of this as one person, and bottom line, it was not feasible for me, nor was it my calling.
If I was going to regain healthy Personal Domain and run the ministry race as a marathon (rather than sprinting and burning out), I was going to have to acknowledge that my capacity is not the same as some of the people I was emulating.
I needed the humility to say to myself, “They may be able to do all that, but I cannot.”
