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Jealousy, Envy, Insecurity and the Heart of a Pastor

4.  Learn Instead of Comparing

Comparison is a losing game no matter how you try to play it. You end up feeling inferior (wrong) or superior (sinful) to others every time you compare.

It corrodes your heart. So how to do you interact healthily with others?

Learn from them. Plain and simple.

You grow by being around other people, so grow. What do they do well? What could you do differently?

And what are the charts and numbers telling you? How can you develop from what you’re learning?

5. Get Ridiculously Honest With Yourself (And God)

I had a powerful moment in my journey a number of years ago.

It was one of those moments where I wasn’t reading the scripture, the scripture was reading me.

I was jealous of another communicator who I thought was better than me, but I didn’t know how to kill the jealousy.

One morning as I was reading the Bible, this passage in James stopped me dead in my tracks. It described to a ‘T’ what I was experiencing in that moment.

Instead of blowing it off and ignoring it, I admitted (to my shame) that it described me. I prayed about it.

The next day I went back to the same text, reading and praying through it again. I didn’t leave those four verses until the ugly things they described relinquished their grip on my heart. It took over a week.

Every time I’ve read that text in the years that have passed, I stop and give thanks to God for what he dealt with inside me in that season. I’m so grateful. But you don’t get to that kind of breakthrough without ridiculous honesty about what’s really going on.

So level with yourself. And with God. We are masters of self-deception.

Of all the lies we tell, the ones we tell ourselves are the most deadly.

When you stop the mastery, change begins.

What Helps You?

As you get honest with yourself (and others) as a leader and deepen some of the practices above, I think you’ll eventually discover that someone else’s success no longer makes you feel like a failure.

And as we do that, our churches, our families and our relationships will all get so much healthier.

What helps you overcome insecurity, envy and jealousy?

This article originally appeared here.

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Speaker and podcaster Carey Nieuwhof is a former lawyer and founding pastor of Connexus Church, one of the largest and most influential churches in Canada. With over 6 million downloads, The Carey Nieuwhof Leadership Podcast features today's top leaders and cultural influencers. His most recent book is “Didn’t See It Coming: Overcoming the 7 Greatest Challenges That No One Expects and Everyone Experiences.” Carey and his wife, Toni, reside near Barrie, Ontario and have two children.