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5 Keys to Sorting Through the Crazy and Conflicting Opinions You Hear as a Leader

A lot of it springs out of my journey in life and leadership. Didn’t See It Coming is really about the personal ups and downs we all experience as people and leaders, and the stuff that just blindsides us.

Think about it. No one dreams of becoming cynical, disconnected or burned out. Yet it happens daily as our lives collapse under the weight of pride, compromise or even moral failure. Unprepared and unaware, we lose hope, give in and give up.

What’s shocking is how these catastrophic collapses often come as a surprise, even to good leaders. The question is—were there warning signs or clues along the way that could have prevented such heartache, loss and pain?

The answer is a resounding YES. You don’t have to be blindsided again.

That’s what the book’s about. You can see most of it coming, and I share how to avoid the pitfalls that sink too many of us.

So what did I learn from 4,000 opinions, and from 23 years of listening to a bazillion opinions in leadership about where to go next, how to do it and what we were doing right/wrong?

Here are five keys that can really help.

1. Take the Opinions Seriously, but Not Personally

How many times have you left a meeting upset over what someone said, or checked your inbox only to want to chuck your laptop out the window, or lay awake at night replaying a hurtful comment over again and again in your mind?

Yep. Too often.

And there were times where pouring over the comments on cover design I felt a bit upset too.

It’s hard not to feel a little hurt when you someone’s comment is simply ‘ugh’, and it’s also hard not to shoot back with sarcasm and say, “Well, what does the cover of your book look like?”

But don’t miss this: Just because you feel negative emotions doesn’t mean you have to act on them.

Wise leaders never act on their negative emotions.

So how do you do that? How do you not let the negative comments bother you for more than a few minutes?

Over the years, I’ve had to learn to take people opinions seriously, but not personally.

Taking them personally is what keeps you up at night.

The best way to NOT take opinions personally is to pray about it, get some perspective, go for a walk, talk through the ones that bother you with a friend, smile, learn and move on.

Don’t dismiss them, learn from them.

If you take things personally, you’ll always dismiss the offending comment. Which means you’ll never learn from it.

When you take things seriously, but not personally, your leadership will improve significantly.