If you lead in a larger church, this isn’t the issue it used to be. But when our church was smaller, people always looked to me for pastoral care (we’ve switched most of our care to groups and outside counseling, a move I can’t recommend highly enough).
The challenge is everyone who asks you to meet with them wants to meet with you now because it’s so important and they’re in crisis and only you can help.
In those moments, remind yourself that what feels like an emergency to them might not actually be an emergency. Their marriage didn’t get terrible overnight, it’s been sliding for years. Ask one more question, and you might discover that X has been in the hospital for a week and will be there for another week.
Too many church leaders give up their personal time and family time for crises that aren’t really crises. Pastors of churches particularly suffer from this. (Here’s a post on five pastoral emergencies that aren’t actually emergencies.)
And then ask yourself (especially if you want your church to grow), am I the only person who can really help? Truth is I am sometimes the person who can least help. They need a counselor. Or a doctor. Or someone from their community group to visit.
If you are the only person who can help, try this: “I’m sorry to hear that. I have some time available Monday, can we meet then?” You’ll be shocked at how many times the person immediately says, “Sure, no problem.”
4. POWER DOWN
The problem is just as much you as it is them, isn’t it? You’re addicted to your phone. I am.
So power down. I’ve moved my email app to a third screen on my phone so I don’t look at it unless I intentionally want too. Almost all notifications on my phone are disabled and 95 percent of the time my phone is on do not disturb.
Have some moments in your life and leadership when you’re gloriously unavailable.
People expect you to take time off. So when you’re off, be off.
5. TELL PEOPLE THE TRUTH…THEY’LL BE HAPPY FOR YOU
Maybe this is just me, but for years I felt guilty about telling people I was taking a day off. I know, only crazy people think like that, but I’m a crazy person.
Sometimes I would say things like, “I’ve been working for a month without a day off so I really need to take it.”
Seriously. What is wrong with me that I need to justify time off?
So next time you’re off or need to be off, just tell them…”Oh you know, that’s my day off…Can we do it another time?”
