The way of Jesus
Name and Blame is at odds with the kind of leadership Jesus modeled. Jesus didn’t name and blame. He didn’t control and manipulate. He didn’t point out people’s problems and demand they solve them.
He met them where they were in love by inviting them into a different way of living. Jesus got low with people. He got humble. And he washed their feet.
He also called his disciples to do the same. Here’s how Jesus put it in Mark 10:42-45,
You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.
Own and invite
I knew name and blame was at odds with the kind of leadership Jesus modeled, and I’d left it behind. But my scheduled meeting with this frustrating staff member was rapidly approaching, and I felt stuck in imaginative gridlock about what to do instead.
I spent some time praying, and put together a “conversational roadmap” in my mind. The next morning we met and I said something like this:
Hey, I’m having a leadership problem that I want to invite you into. The problem is I’ve been frustrated in trying to lead you and I’ve started telling myself a story about you as to why that is the case.
My guess is that my story about you isn’t entirely accurate nor is my frustration one-sided. And I don’t want to be frustrated with you. The truth is I want to work well with you.
Can we talk about this? I’d really like your help. Is there something I am doing that is frustrating you?
As I’m sure you can see, this approach was radically different than my other roadmap.
It started with me rather than him. It started with me owning my problem and inviting him into it. Since I didn’t need to pretend to have all the answers or the definitive perspective on the situation, I was able to welcome his input.
And because when I’m frustrated I tend to leak frustration, I assumed I wasn’t the only one frustrated. If I was frustrated, chances were high he was frustrated too.
