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3 ‘Gospels’ That Are Pressuring Young Women

The struggle is alarmingly real. Several years ago, I was teaching at an event for young women. During the response time, a middle schooler came down and collapsed on the altar. I scooted over and asked how I could pray for her. Through tears she sobbed, “I didn’t finish my math homework.” Sure, there was a part of me that wanted to respond wryly, “Let’s talk when you have the pressure of four kids and mortgage,” but the Spirit stopped me. The anxiety and sadness she was feeling was real. To her, an unfinished assignment equated to a wasted life.

In many ways, life for the average middle school and high school girl has started to resemble a pressure cooker. As I mentioned in my book, My Name Is Erin, here’s why:

Because of the pressure to get into a good college, most girls take Advanced Placement (AP) classes. Experts say each AP class will likely result in 45 minutes of homework each school night. Many students take multiple AP classes and can expect to spend almost two and a half hours doing homework after an eight-hour school day.

  • 23 percent of young women spend two to five hours per day practicing a sport or musical instrument.
  • 21 percent of young women spend at least 10 hours per week working for pay.
  • Most young women spend two to 10 hours per week hanging out with friends.

School, sports and friends eat up 80 hours of an average young woman’s 168-hour week. Add in time for sleep, and 133 hours are gone (though many are not sleeping well). Factor in time with family, involvement in church, and an average of seven hours a day looking at screens, and the numbers quickly start adding up.

Many young women are slowly suffocating under the weight of the idea that they have to perform in order to be loved and accepted. This false gospel has a tentacle in the church. When we teach that the Christian life is about doing certain things (reading your Bible, going to church, serving others), the enemy twists that into a message about salvation earned through performance.

2. The gospel of perfectionism

Another entry in Alexandra’s journal echoes a cry I’ve heard from many. She wrote, “I have to be perfect. Anything less is failure.”

I’ve heard high achievers have the highest rates of eating disorders. They are the most likely to battle with the two-headed beast of depression and anxiety. In Alexandra’s case, the pressure to do “all things” robbed her of the motivation to do anything at all.

This thinking cannot stand up to the true gospel which states, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). We are not and can never be perfect on our own. That is why we need Jesus so much. Are we proclaiming this to young women often enough? Or are we, the women of the church, polishing up an image of Christian perfectionism that is binding them in chains?

On Sunday mornings, when we get to the “shake a hand with someone” section of the service, I want to cry out, “I’m not perfect. You’re not perfect. Let’s run to Jesus together.” I don’t, but in quieter settings, when I am talking with women one-on-one, I hope I am declaring the gospel of grace, not of perfectionism. They simply cannot bear the weight of my impossible expectations.

3. The gospel of reverse providence

Providence is a term that has gone out of vogue, but mercifully, it’s an attribute of God that never will. Providence is simply divine guidance. It’s God’s ability to work out our futures for our good (Rom. 8:28). Our young women, however, are being discipled through Instagram, and they’re hearing a much different message. It’s a message that screams:

You decide the outcome.

You choose your path.

You take care of you.

You must make it happen.

What sounds empowering is actually debilitating, because instead of resting in God’s divine care, young women feel the pressure to make everything work out on their own. Since they are not the God of the universe, this puts them in an impossible position. Self-sufficiency is a killer. In contrast, dependence on Christ’s sufficiency leads to life.

It starts with hello

As I think back to that angsty, lost version of me, I know my story could have ended much differently. I too, worshipped at the altars of performance, perfection and self-sufficiency. I felt the noose of these half-truths slowly tighten around my own neck.

But God used two people, Barry Smith and Dannah Gresh, to escort me toward freedom. Barry was the youth pastor at a church my family visited. He crossed the room to introduce himself. He invited my sister and I to pizza and then youth group. Then, he faithfully taught the Bible to us. Dannah is now a well-known and loved author to young women, but 20 years ago, she held high the banner of Truth for just one girl—me. She took me to lunch. She opened her Bible. I’m forever changed by their examples.

Church, young women are on the ledge. They are poised to jump. We are their safety net. Young women need the Truth desperately—let’s give it to them faithfully and relentlessly.

This article originally appeared here.