by Heather Stevens
I consider myself a fairly analytical person. It’s interesting. I find myself analyzing my own feelings and behaviors on a daily basis, I also find myself analyzing other people; what are her motives behind that particular behavior? Why is he reacting this way? What occurred in my childhood that made me think this way?
C.S. Lewis says this:
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”
I love that. I love it so much. Relationships are a risk. Love is a risk. But were we not a risk when God sent Jesus to die for us? I know THAT hurt. I am so blessed that I have people in my life whom I am able to love, and who love me back. It is a PRIVILEGE that I am so broken by this death because it means I loved deeply. To live a safe life with no one to share it with and no one to love is even more depressing than to live a life of hurt from loving too deeply.
This vulnerable love thing is scary to me because I don’t like hurting. I don’t like crying myself to sleep every night because night times are when the thoughts and memories come rushing in. It’s not fun. But I am choosing to trust that my God DOES have a plan for me and that plan includes loving every person I come into contact with. “To love at all is to be vulnerable,” but it is what God called me to do so I am going to continue doing it because I know the blessings it will bring are going to be much greater than the pain I will feel.