I have yet to read either book, but the issues they address are important. The controversy surrounding these books leads me to ask, “How should we, the church–and church leaders in particular–speak about sex?” I’d like to encourage us to do so in five ways.
First, we need to move beyond discomfort on the subject.
Everyone is talking about sex–except people in most churches. Now I realize there are exceptions. A few are talking about it too much and in salacious ways, but most are saying nothing. The vast majority of Christian newlyweds have likely never had their questions about sex answered, nor found a healthy context in which to ask them. The more reluctant we are to engage the issue, the more likely our people’s understanding of sex will be shaped by society rather than Scripture. When was the last time someone talked about the issue in your church? It has probably been a while.
Second, we need to answer the critical questions people are asking.
Today, that means answering some questions people were not asking in previous generations. Most men and women today have been exposed to a level of sexual knowledge, practices, and (yes) acts that other generations were not. Simply put, nothing is “unmentioned” and “unconsidered” anymore. It may shock you if you did not grow up with the Internet, but people have questions, and Christians need to drop their embarrassment and provide biblical answers and discerning thinking. In regard to sex, if people can’t ask other Christians, they will get their answers from culture.
Third, when talking about sex, hype does not help.
I have to say that some of the gimmicky sex campaigns are simply unhelpful and can many times be harmful. For example, a friend of mine did a series he called “Storybook Sex” with all the shocking ads and comments–a series he now regrets. At the end of the day, gimmicks are not what we need–solid biblical teaching and moral courage is. That does not mean we cannot have fun while talking about sex (thank you, God, for creating sex!), but in talking about sex, it does mean that we need not appear silly or salacious. As such, challenging people to have sex for a week may not be the best course of action–but teaching them to both value the wonder and participate in the joy of sex in marriage is.
Fourth, teaching on sex, or at least the same levels of teaching on sex, is not for everyone.
We need to guard against children hearing things they do not need to hear and singles being tempted to do things they do not need to do. Context matters, and we would do well to speak and write carefully when addressing various constituencies within the body of Christ concerning these issues that need our attention and biblical clarification. It should be obvious, but some practical matters will only be suitable for an adult, married audience. Other matters might be appropriate for those who are engaged or newly married. Some might be generally appropriate for all adult audiences and then some for younger generations.
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