Parenting Middle Schoolers
With our middle schoolers, we begin to let them make spending decisions. We provide them an allowance. From that allowance, they decide what to eat (beyond what’s in our pantry). They decide what to wear. (That’s right — we make our middle schoolers purchase their own jeans, underwear, socks and shoes.) We let them decide how to invest in entertainment including music, movies, toys, etc. We teach them how to give money away and save money for the future.
Will we warn them if we see them making an unwise choice? Of course, we will. Will we let them make unwise decisions? Of course, we will! We know that people learn from their mistakes and we’d rather they learn those lessons when the consequences are relatively small.
Parenting High Schoolers
With our high schooler, we begin to let her make income decisions. We cut off her allowance. No more monthly handouts. She is still responsible for buying her own clothes, purchasing her own gas and deciding what she’s going to spend on fun with friends, but now she’s also responsible for earning that money.
Do we make her have a job? No. Do we give her money to buy clothes if she doesn’t have a job? No! There’s no more subsidized lifestyle. It’s all up to her. She has her own bank account and her own debit card. From that, she’s learning how to track the money that comes in and the money that goes out. In the near future, we’re also going to make sure she has her own credit card so she learns how to make purchases with it and pay it off every month.
Has she made poor choices with her money? Not many. When you empower people with small decisions with small consequences, they learn how to make big decisions with big consequences.
Here’s what’s frustrating. I routinely see leaders making decisions for people in their organizations like they’re leading first graders. They essentially make every decision for everyone they lead. They hold on to all the authority.
Let me ask you the obvious question: If I parented my high schooler like I parent my first grader, how do you think she would respond? There would be a lot of tension in our relationship. She would rebel. She would look forward to the day that she can leave our home. The exact same thing happens when we lead our team like they’re first graders.
I’ve never met a leader who admitted they were a micromanager. In 20 years of leadership, I’ve seen plenty of micromanagers.
Are you leading like you’re parenting first graders?
