It’s no secret—porn is taking men out left and right.
If you’re a guy, it’s pretty safe to say you’ve probably struggled with porn—or the temptation of porn—and you’ve seen the devastating effects porn has on relationships.
Viewing porn is a major obstacle to experiencing the abundant life God gives us freely through the cross.
Porn is enslaving, and we were called to be free.
In recent studies, we’ve also learned that viewing pornography makes us more likely to have an affair, more vulnerable to divorce, depression, and the guilt involved can often become numbing—rendering us ineffective for life and ministry.
In short, viewing porn gives the enemy freedom to ruin our relationships, our families and our churches.
As men, we need to do everything we can to protect ourselves. If we don’t take the necessary precautions—and stay intentional—we will leave ourselves open to this not-so-subtle sexual sin.
This list explores the ways in which we leave ourselves open to today’s most ardent leadership killer.
10 Ways Good Guys Lose to Porn…
1. By working late alone.
Sooner or later, the temptation will sneak up on you. Stress and solitude provide a deadly combination for secret sins to grow. Working late, without safeguards, could be the number one gateway to porn addiction.
2. By failing to develop close and authentic relationships.
When we avoid deep relationships and authentic questions about our life, our heart and our doctrine, we’re setting ourselves up for failure. Nothing makes us more prone to sexual sin than a lack of intimate, Christ-centered relationships with other men.
3. By learning how to cover your trail.
Covering your trail by deleting your Internet history with hopes that you’ll never do it again is a recipe for disaster. Confession is the key to break the pattern, not covering up. Every cover up digs us deeper and deeper into the darkness.
4. By letting your personal prayer time dry up.
With a lack of deep prayer and few encounters with God—your vulnerability is sky high. When things get stressful or when you get hurt, it’s too easy to compromise and look for something to fill the void.
5. By convincing yourself it’s just a one-time thing.
Compromise is the name of the game—if it’s just once, and you ask for forgiveness, is it really worth the humiliation and potential damage to your relationships? Yes, it’s still worth it. Hiding your sin is a pathway to more sin. You don’t have to shout it from the rooftops, but share it with someone close to you to allow the healing and accountability to begin.
6. By minimizing your sin.
If you think it’s small, your chances of sharing or confessing your sin will almost disappear. It’s easy to leverage this line of thinking until the guilt goes away, but it’s a lie. Sin is sin and it needs to be dealt with, not covered up.
7. By looking at the sin of others.
If you spend time looking at the sins of others—it’s likely that you won’t confess your own. In fact, legalism is a great path for those hiding secret sins. But once you start comparing, you lose.
8. By compartmentalizing your life.
If you can make a successful dichotomy between your church life and personal life, then you’re well on your way to hiding your sin and guilt. When you compartmentalize, you can live a double life, but eventually that double life catches up with you and you lose. Your whole life is meant to bring honor to God—not just a part or a day of the week. God wants your heart. And he wants all of it.
9. By keeping your struggles from your spouse.
If you intentionally close down any vulnerable and touchy conversations about your sin or your struggles—you’re likely to keep the whole porn problem under wraps as your little secret (until it’s not so secret). Sharing your struggle with your spouse is tough, no doubt, but it’s the best way to move forward.
10. By ignoring the power of the gospel.
If you go for long enough without remembering the life-altering power of the resurrection—it’s easy to feel powerless and trapped. But God’s desire is for you to experience the fullness of his forgiveness, redemption and sanctification. You’re not fighting this alone and you’re not fighting it in your own strength. Never forget that.
If you’re struggling with porn, I challenge you to take a bold step today and confess it to God and to someone close—and take radical steps toward accountability.
You’re not alone and this is not the end.
By Brian Orme
