#3. Keep it in the Group. Lay the groundwork for everyone that this is a safe place. What you share in the group stays in the group. Confession is not for posting on your church bulletin board or gossiping to your neighbor. As a leader, you have to establish confidentiality, security, and honesty as your highest value.
#4. Don’t Ask Follow-Up Questions. Set this as a rule. You will regret it if you don’t. When a member in your group is confessing something, it isn’t the time to solve their problem. We all have that over-intentional and caring friend, but this isn’t the space for counseling. “How does that make you feel?” “Why do you think you did that?” “Well that was dumb, don’t you think?” “Well what did she say when she found out?” “Oh, does your wife know about this?”
This is simply not the place for those questions. You have to be strong enough in your leadership to stick to this rule for the sake of every member. Let them share, and let them end where they want.
#5. Start with Yourself, and Fill with Prayer. As the leader of the group, you should be ready to set the example for everyone else. Showcase in your own way exactly what you want this time to be for everyone else. Be vulnerable. Be honest. Don’t have all the answer figured out.
If nobody wants to share, then use this time to pray for one another. As it says in James 5:16, the prayer of the righteous has great power.
#6. Pray and Follow-Up Privately. After everyone has shared if they want, end the time in prayer. Pray for healing, pray for brokenness, pray for God to radically move through his Spirit in the life of each person in your group.
And then, follow up privately. If someone shares something deep and troubling, take them out to coffee and learn more. If someone shares their marriage is failing, follow up later with some resources or counseling referrals. If someone is having trouble parenting, send the parents to a seminar next week while you watch their kids. The point is this, you will do damage in your group if you try to solve or address all of these issues during your meeting time. Don’t. Prayer for them, and follow-up next week.
There is a reason the Puritans considered repentance a doctrine of the Church, and I think it’s about time we reinstate this practice of confession in community. And it starts with us.
This article on the practice of confession originally appeared here, and is used by the kind permission of the Small Group Network.
