6. Would you read this lineage of Kings?
Nobody likes to feel dumb. And the quickest way to make people feel dumb is to have them read the very words of God, the words we purport are life-giving, inspired by God for our good—and they can’t even pronounce things.
They’ll feel dumb, and clam up.
7. OK, it’s your turn. Share your deepest, darkest secret that nobody knows.
Don’t force vulnerability. Set the environment for it. Lead the way by being vulnerable and honest yourself. Then watch the walls come crumbling down.
8. Ha! That’s funny! Kind of like the time you went through a divorce.
Never, ever make a joke based on pain a small group member has shared. Ever. Not even if you really think it’ll be funny. It won’t be, and you’ll instantly regret what you just said.
9. Is it OK if I tweet that?
That’ll kill safety quicker than just about anything you do. It’ll cause everyone in the group to distrust you and wonder what, if anything, is safe to share.
If you have to ask, don’t tweet.
10. And here’s my seventh prayer request tonight.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, there, Mr. Super Spiritual. You don’t have to one-up every single prayer request. When you talk, and share, more than you listen, you short-circuit the work that God’s doing in other people’s hearts. And you’d love to think there’s a spiritual reason here, but the reality is that when you share all of your seven requests, everyone else is thinking, “When is she going to be done? It’s time to go home…”
I’m just being honest because your small group won’t tell you that. They’ll vote with their feet.
Just share one request, please. If there’s more, just pray for those on your own.
11. Just five more minutes. I promise. We’re almost done.
Liar. Just start on time, and end on time. People will love you for it.
12. You should quit coming to a small group until you can figure out your junk.
This may be the most damaging thing you can say. A small group should be the place where grace is given freely, and patience is exercised consistently. Mercy triumphs judgment (James 2:13).
Aren’t you glad Jesus didn’t give up on you? And that he loved and pursued you, and never gave up on you?
Now you know what not to say. Time to get to work.
